Reflection and Ranting

In general, I am pleased with my work outs over the last 11 days. I have been hitting the gym and/or walking and jogging (switching back and forth between the two) an average of 6 miles every day. The only days I have missed working out was the day I purposely took off for rest (the first week of the month) and last Wednesday when I got food poisoning. After Wednesday my dedication to the South Beach diet waned a bit. I went out and had some drinks with my boyfriend over the weekend. That is definitely not part of the "healthy living" plan I made. However, it could have been worse. I did not get wasted and I wasn't drinking every day. All in all, things are going well. (I realize that by comparing myself to someone who gets wasted every day, I may not be setting the bar too high...however, the advantage to doing this sometimes is that it makes CAN I - Constant And Never-ending Improvement - as discussed by Anthony Robbins - totally doable!!!)

I am feeling impatient about not seeing more results. I am disappointed that I don't have more endurance. However, it has only been 11 days. In the big scheme of things I just need patience. Some themes that seem to be emerging for me are endurance, perseverance, rejection, and patience. Do endurance and perseverance mean the same thing? What are the differences, if any? These are topics I may write about on a different day. Today, I just can't get into that deep of a space. I am feeling kind of lazy and shallowly cynical.

I would love to hear thoughts and feedback from others as I contemplate these ideas....(not the idea about feeling shallowly cynical but rather the notions of endurance, perseverance, patience, etc.)

The idea of rejection surfaced for me the day I got food poisoning. I literally thought Armageddon was happening inside of my body as it rejected everything inside my system. At one point I was curled up in a fetal position on the floor of the bathroom...too weak to stay seated on the toilet but too scared to go that far away from the bathroom. Through the cold sweats and gut wrenching pain I held on to the hope that it would be over sooner than later. It was! The whole ordeal lasted about an hour. It was an hour from hell! However, despite the pain of my body's focused intention on purging itself, I realized the pain was necessary for my overall well being. The pain of the rejection served a larger purpose that was aimed at my well being. Interesting food for thought! I am still thinking about this analogy for other forms of rejection we experience in life.

In the meantime, I am also starting to see the value of taking time to stretch both before and after running because I hurt myself yesterday and my heel kind of feels like someone is stabbing me with a blunt object every time I step on it. I did not let this interfere with my 5 mile job/walk today though. I don't know if that means I am committed or just masochistic and stupid.

I do know that I hate being in pain and I am kind of feeling cranky and unmotivated. I really need to clean my apartment and yet.....watching Netflix on my computer and researching some teaching opportunities seems a lot more interesting.

I have also become desperate for sugar and succumbed to eating sugar free pudding which truthfully sucks...especially when you make it with water instead of milk to avoid the sugar from the dairy....why do I put myself through these dumb dietary things? Splenda isn't even good for you....it may cause cancer. Then again, what doesn't?

I will get off my cranky cynical soapbox soon enough. I woke up in a bad mood for the second day in a row which is not really like me. I haven't been sleeping as great as I could. I am stressed about money. And I hate being woken up to sirens and Brian's phone beeping as he fondles it. Okay, he doesn't actually fondle his phone. He was simply checking the internet but I am jealous of the time he spends on his phone...especially when he brings it into our bed. I will not share my bed with another woman....or a piece of technology as the case may be....

I am done now. Catch you on the far side of this bad mood and sore heel...I hope!!

Sincerely,
the marathon runner wannabe