One of the more common "Dear Abiola" love advice questions that I get is about soul mates. People want to know if soul mates really exist, how many opportunities at a soul mate we each get, and what to do if you feel like you've already broken up with yours. All valid questions, indeed. One question that people don't ask enough is what to do to maintain love once you've met "the one." Yes, you've found love but how do you maintain that love?
Last week I had the pleasure of interviewing a woman who knows all about soul mates and nurturing relationships as they pertain to the bigger picture of your life. Cheryl Richardson first came to national attention on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" with her bestselling book, "Take Time for Your Life." An author and a life coach, Richardson currently hosts a weekly inspirational show on Hay House Radio. Her newest book is called "You Can Create An Exceptional Life" and was co-authored with her mentor, Louise Hay. After interviewing Cheryl I was honored to sit in the audience with almost 3,000 people as she "laser coached" a dynamic audience in NYC with Louise at the super-motivational "I Can Do It Conference." Not surprisingly, the majority of audience questions were about relationships.
The 51-year-old lifestyle guru is happily married to her soul mate, Michael Gerrish. The guru actually met her incredible man through a personal ad. They have no children together, but live with their sweet cat Poupon in Newburyport, Mass.
How to find and love "the one":
Be specific about your soul mate.
When Cheryl was single she created a profile in her journal of her ideal partner. Nine months later she met a great guy who seemed very familiar. As she explains in her book, "The 5 Principles of Ageless Living" she just couldn't put her finger on why she felt like she knew this guy. She then realized that he was the living embodiment of her ideal man that she had profiled in her journal. Cheryl had found her soul mate, Michael!
Love yourself without your soul mate.
You can't attract and keep a soul mate into your life if you're not madly in love with yourself first. Cheryl asked Louise Hay, the master of self-love, the secret to being comfortable in her skin and looking so youthful and flawless at age 84. Hay confided in their new book, "Well, to me it comes down to loving yourself, loving your body, and making peace with the aging process. You can't do anything well or for the long term without loving yourself first. When you love yourself, you care about your body, and you care about what you put into it. You also care about the thoughts you choose to think."
Cheryl and Louise have affirmed something that we definitely knew for sure. A woman who is in love with her self is irresistible. Know your self-worth with or without your soul mate.
Affirm perfect love with your soul mate.
If you want love you have to affirm love. Cheryl actually defines her relationship with her husband, who is also a mind-body-spirit author, as a spiritual partnership. She has supported him through illness and he has nurtured her through her career. They both affirm their love through the use of affirmations and positive language.
A reader asked Cheryl on her site for advice on how to deal with a household where the two partners appear to be on opposing sides. Cheryl told her reader, "This is the beauty of spiritual partnership. We tend to join with those who challenge us to find a balance in how we approach life. For example, you might be a financial optimist who needs a bit of grounding in the practical aspects of caring for your financial health, and your husband may need to learn to focus more on what he does have rather than what he doesn't. Also, start affirming, 'I enjoy a harmonious and respectful relationship with my husband and it brings us closer together every day.'" Well said. Speak your perfect love into being.
Acknowledge your soul mate.
Once you have love in your life don't be afraid to publicly affirm it. Scream your love from the rooftops. Everyone feels good when their loved ones affirm them. Cheryl recently posted on Twitter, "Watching my husband Michael get a pedicure. He's blissed out. I love being married to a spa man!" Here-here. They also have a sense of humor about their relationship, recently posting this fun, false ad.
Nobody wants to feel like someone's dirty little secret. Don't be afraid to mention your life partner. If you're a part of a social group or circle, imagine how good your soul mate will feel about your love to hear you singing his praises in public.
Well done, Cheryl! I'll be sharing my full interview with Cheryl Richardson soon on The Passionista Blog. Life is beautiful when we realize that we are truly safe and that it is OK to be happy.
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