If there is never a punishment for a behavior, or a reason to stop, the behavior never will stop. Parents make excuses for their kids because they want to protect them. What they are really doing is setting them up for a life of disappointment and unrealistic expectations. Not every good behavior will get a reward and not every bad behavior will get a punishment, but there should be enough of a mix of realistic responses to a behavior for a child to learn what they can expect. Are you making excuses without even realizing it?
If your child has a disability, stop reminding them of it. I will never forget when a child who was classified on the autism spectrum told me with full confidence that he could not control his anger because he had autism. While there are some behaviors that are born of a disability, there is no excuse for poor behavior. You can try to modify the behavior. You can try to divert the behavior or teach a new one, but what you can't do as a parent is to constantly remind a child that they have a disability and use it as an excuse for their every behavior. In turn your child will do the same and they will never know how to draw the line. For instance, if your child hurts someone in anger and they also happen to have a disability, are you going to excuse that or are you going to wish you had never taught them their behavior was acceptable because they had a disability? I don't think I have to tell you which one the parent of the hurt child will be wishing for.
Let your kids fight their own battles. Naturally, a parent wants to see that their child doesn't have hurt feelings. There are times when this is entirely appropriate. However, there comes a time when you need to let your child deal with reality and learn how to stand on their own. You aren't always going to be there to protect them. They also need to learn how to deal with different people and different people need to learn how to deal with them. If you step in for your child at every turn, they may never realize that the world isn't going to change for them and there are times when they are in the wrong.
Encourage your child to do his or her best. Never tell your child that they are incapable of doing something. They might try and fail, but they might want to try again even if they fail. However, when a parent tells them they simply can't do something (like properly wash dishes), you do two things. You limit their own expectations of themselves and you let them know that they shouldn't put much effort into things that they don't want to do because you will excuse them and take over the task yourself.
Source: Personal experience
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