Men and women communicate differently. As author John Gray says, "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus." Any heterosexual person who has ever tried to have a meaningful conversation with their mate can attest to that. We're all about feelings and they want us to get to the point. That's OK, though, because it's not about any of us being perfect, but about us being perfect for each other.
There's one time, however, where our communication preferences definitely overlap. A new study by erotic website Adam & Eve says that a whopping 80 percent of us prefer dirty talk in bed. So if you're lacking in this area, you may want to step up your game.
When we're intimate, having a lover spout medical or clinical terms for our body parts might make us feel like we're at the doctor's office. There is nothing hot about leaning over and whispering, "Thrust your pelvic bone towards me. Your pubic region drives me crazy." By the same token, mum should not be the word in the bedroom. We all like a little friendly reassurance that we're "hitting the spot," so to speak. A partner who is completely silent can leave us feeling like we're alone in the act.
Pillow Talk 101
1. Get Comfortable.
If you don't feel comfortable with sexy talk you will sound odd and awkward. There will be nothing sexy about it at all. Make yourself comfortable by starting with dirty texts, letters, or words over the phone. Email and voicemail can also be a way to get comfortable with sexy language.
2. Don't Script It.
Go with the flow. You don't want to recycle the same old sexy talk that you used on your ex. The way to avoid coming off scripted is to stay present. Pay attention to what you are doing to each other and react. Your sexual escapades with your partner are an experience, not a performance.
3. Be in the Moment.
Keep your pillow talk fresh by releasing your inhibitions. Letting yourself go fully can be the biggest sexual gift you can give someone -- and yourself. You don't have to recite a dissertation. Just whispering or calling out the right couple of words can do the trick.
4. Don't Be Offended.
If your partner says something that offends you wait to discuss it until after the act. They may have had a previous lover that found certain things to be a turn on that may be a turn off to you. Try not to overreact in the moment. Instead, use the conversation to give the partner some insight into who you are.
5. Be Visual.
To engage in naughty word play be visually descriptive. Don't know what to say? Describe what is happening. Tell your partner what delightful body part you're looking at, for example. Be specific about what exactly you want to happen next. Tell your partner what you enjoy about their body and what they are doing.
Talking dirty is a regular part of sex. Here's the rest of the scoop from Adam & Eve's study. In addition to the 80 percent of those who admitted that they talk dirty during sex, 12 percent of those surveyed saying it is always a part of lovemaking, 33 percent confessed that they sometimes engage in sexy talk and 29 percent said that they rarely partake. Only 18 percent of respondents said that they never, ever engage in sex talk. Adam & Eve director of marketing Chad Davis said, "I am pleased to see that American adults are open enough to enjoy even a little dirty talk, and see it as a fun and important part of a healthy sex life."
Your Passionista Homework is to go home and engage in some very dirty, sexy talk. Ready? Set. Chat!
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