The instant relationship happens when you go from expressing interest and going on a few dates with each other to essentially acting like you've been together for a few months. It may seem exciting, but the two of you are moving at warp speed and could very easily crash and burn if you're not careful. It's better to take things slow even if he keeps trying to push things to go faster; not doing so could make him panic out of nowhere and try to backtrack or make a run for it. When you want things to work out with a guy, there are several ways to avoid getting into an instant relationship.
Skip the girlfriend gestures
You may be tempted to suddenly start acting like his girlfriend, but avoid it in the beginning, especially if you haven't been dating very long. This means not giving him little gifts for no reason, initiating PDAs with him, inviting him to couple outings, or labeling him with a new cutesy nickname. The more you push to have a significant role in his life, the more he's likely going to push you away and make a run for it.
Don't stay at his place too soon
The first few times you have sex, go home. I know it sounds horrible and it's probably going to be the last thing you want to do, but staying at his place tells him you're already comfortable and that you are, in some way, already attached to him. He'll wonder why you're not like most women and rolling over to stay for the night. You'll each get to have your own space and you'll leave him wondering what's up; for the time being, a win-win situation.
Don't bring up the future or meeting anyone significant
Don't mention anything that's more than a week or two in advance and especially don't bring up marriage or kids. While you're at it, don't ask him when you get to meet his parents, siblings, friends or anyone else who's significant in his life; let him bring it up to you when he wants it to happen. Also, stall as much as possible on introducing him to the significant people in your own life.
Don't question him about how he feels
When you first start dating a guy, you may get an itch to ask him how he feels, but resist the urge. If a guy is interested in you, you won't have to wonder because you'll just know and you won't have to guess. When you start asking him questions about how he feels, he's going to see it as an interrogation, as pressure, or as if you're trying to propel the relationship forward much faster than he's willing to go at the time.
When you're so focused on trying to have an instant relationship, you're not enjoying what's going on in the present. You're letting yourself miss out on moments you're not going to get back. Enjoy what's going on in the present and let things take their course. When you let things happen naturally, you increase the chances they'll work out; push harder and you risk ruining it all.
More from Lauren R:
Get ready for 2012: What you should dump from your sex and dating life
Benefits of lingerie: How to buy it and how it can improve your sex life
Tips for when you and your guy have nothing in common
