When children are infants and babies, many parents cherish each milestone. It is not uncommon to celebrate each and every instance of "growing up" with family and friends. If you are like many parents, you may have phoned friends and family to tell them about baby's first steps, first words, and even that momentous first time to use the potty. Later, you may have celebrated that first home run in Little League or that first dance recital, not to mention the first day of school and that first baby tooth that fell out.
It is true that kids grow up very fast, and it's not long before parents stop relishing those "firsts" in life and instead start talking about quickly their child is maturing. Perhaps it's when your child starts showing the first signs of puberty, or perhaps when his or her feet grow larger than yours. It may be that time when you realize your child doesn't think it's cool for you to kiss or hug them in front of friends, or when you realize your child has a life with friends that you really are not as aware of as you thought.
Separation Is Normal
At some point not too many years from now, those tweens who seem to be changing right before our eyes will be walking out the door and embarking on a life that truly is separate from us. Between now and then, they do have to learn to be self-sufficient. They have to learn how to be organized at school, how to deal with friend drama, and how to deal with love interests. They have to be tested on their ability to resist drugs, alcohol, and even sexual temptations, too. In order to stand on their own two feet and eventually to be successful, happy adults, they do have to separate from parents a bit.
Many parents call this separation they physically see and that they emotionally feel a sign that their child is "growing up too fast." In many cases, this is just normal development and is nothing to be worried about.
The Dangers
While separation is normal, there are some dangers associated with truly growing up too fast. Some kids may not be equipped to say no to drugs, alcohol and sex. Some kids may not be fully ready to stand up to bullies at school and other dramas without some guidance from you. Many parents do try to give their tweens the space they need to grow and develop. Some may even feel that emotional detachment from their kids and pull away out of hurt.
Yet the fact is that as mature and adult-sized as many of them seem to be, they are still children. While you may not want to kiss them on the cheek in front of their friends any longer, they do need oversight and guidance from you. This is a time in life when many kids do lose their way, and as a parent you need to be aware of what is going on in your child's life even when they pull away from you and resist your efforts.
Here are a few other articles written by this author:
How Positive is Your Parenting?
Helping Your Kids Through Fights with Friends
Kids and Friend Drama: When to Step In
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