Love has so many powerful stories attached to its concept that it is truly difficult to filter fact from fantasy. Also, people tend to fire us up by exaggerating their own love stories which become more dramatic with the telling. A wise old saying clarifies the whole love abstraction: "A painting of a loaf of bread doesn't satisfy hunger." We would all be love-starved if we lived for the idea of love rather than focus on the simple details of daily encounters.
Go get your love
If you want romance, intimacy and passion, activate your enthusiasm factor - your capacity for fun, humor and adventure. The first step: silence the negative self-talk that you are not good enough which in turn makes you view others as betraying you, ignoring you, or not loving you enough. The second step: turn on your genuine smile transmitting to all the people you encounter how happy you are to greet them. If you want to be irresistible, make the other person feel irresistible! It's what you see in him or her that makes you special. Make the other person feel important and clever and it is you who will be perceived as clever and invaluable. Then you can mute that stern inner critic of yours.
Is this difficult for you to muster? Have you lost your sunny disposition? Refresh your memory from voices of the past that shaped who you are today - teachers, coaches, mentors and friends who knew the real you and helped you appreciate and enjoy life. What would they tell you today?
Here are the details to make room for romance:
* Feeling sad and lonely? Go where you feel welcomed: family members, friends, fellow volunteers or spinning class.
* You already know that when you wait impatiently for that proverbial bus, it takes forever. Similarly, don't focus on finding love by giving yourself a deadline. Just go about your business - work and play - and there in that relaxed, surprised, frame of mind you will encounter love.
* Imagine yourself lucky and you will see the opportunity that unlucky people overlook.
* Be at your best or your worst but don't ever be mediocre or apathetic. Express your authentic range of colors.
* Combine the tactics of a self-promoter with the kindness and compassion of a volunteer.
* Don't work hard to be interesting, rather seek to be interested in the other person.
* Each time you speak you can either facilitate or hinder any relationship. Consider the power of your words.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
I'm an author, stress management specialist, and my latest book is "Addicted to Stress: A Woman's 7 Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life" (Wiley, Sept. 2008). Also, I host a weekly radio show and run an educational site where you can learn more about building immunity to feeling bad: www.turnonyourinnerlight.com
More from Debbie Mandel on Intent.com:
Unhappy Valentine's Day? 11 Strategies to Warm Your Heart
Signs You Are Addicted to Stress
How to Become a Confident, Wise Person at Any Age