Should Women Settle for Mr. Good Enough?

Where are these nice men that a girl could "settle" for? I've never met one. Who are these women who walk away from perfectly good guys because there's not enough drama? I've only dumped men because they've been mean to me like standing me up, cheating, wanting friends with benefits, wanting to leave me when I was injured, etc. It's not like there are tons of wonderful "boring" guys out there who are looking to get married. Who are these women that can't love a guy that's nice to them? I will marry the first guy who's actually kind to me, and I will love and appreciate him with my whole being.

I think mostly this article is true. I have friends who have very long laundry lists of uimpossible traits their dream men must have. And needless to say, they're single. Yes they have standards, but what are they getting? I think this article is stating that women need to be more realistic. On the one hand we complain that men won't look twice at a perfectly nice girl, but then we turn around and do the same thing. I every woman wants their own version of Brad Pitt, but that's not going to happen for most of us. So it might be quite nice to consider that nice guy in Accounting who always brings you coffee.

The word "settle" has a negative connotation to it but if we are honest with ourselves we find that more often than not the older we become the better we learn how to "compromise" or as they use to say in the business world have a "win-win" situation.

(No one gets everything they want in a partner!)
Therefore all of us have "settled" or made a compromise here and there.
The real trick to life is to examine your "priorities".
Not many folks would argue that the following aren't important. It takes
Honesty, Trust, Loyalty, Love & Devotion,Intimacy,and Emotional Security to have a truly happy relationship.

If you are fortunate to have someone in your life that is offering you these traits but he/she is not blonde, has blue eyes, is a certain height or earns a certain annual salary...etc There is a chance you may be passing up one of the best chances for happiness that will ever come your way.

When we are younger we often tend to have unreleastic expectations out of life. No matter what we personally look like we think our mate is going be gorgeous, we'll live in a big house on the hill, and have a beach house, 3 kids, take exotic tropical & European vacations every year,our investments and financial picture get brighter each year...etc

I think what the author means by "settling" is "growing up".
Separating the fluff from what's really important.
She may not be "centerfold material" and he may not be on the cover of GQ but if this person is reasonably attrative, you have shared goals and chemistry, along with all the above traits I mentioned earlier then you're really not settling.

One final note if there was a Mr. Perfect or a Ms. Perfect odds are if you went to see them you could only afford to sit in the nose bleed section. Water seeks it's on level, Like attracts Like, more often than not Mr.Perfect will end up with Ms. Perfect and that won't be you!

Don't speak for everyone, Alex. I found my Mr. Right. I'm sorry you haven't, I guess.

There was a similar article on this yesterday that I responded to and my response will be the same:

I do not believe anyone should ever settle for Mr. Good Enough. Coming from a 26 year old married gal’s standpoint, I don’t think ANYONE should ever just settle. Marriage is more than just finding someone—anyone—to share your life with. And I’m sorry to say, but I’ve known guys who were simply not it for me—and I’m glad I held out and stayed true to what I really wanted in a man and in a relationship. So many women, including the author of this book, say that we women are too picky and we pass on the ‘nice’ guys and that’s why women end up alone. I’m sorry, but I completely disagree with this. What’s wrong with knowing what we want and sticking with it? What’s wrong with loving ourselves enough to know what we won’t settle for? There’s a difference between settling and settling down. I am not one to settle. There is nothing wrong with knowing who isn’t right for us. I’m not going to waste my time with Mr. Nice Guy simply because he’s nice and yet there is no chemistry. I believe that we love who we love—and that cannot be helped.

Coming from another guy's perspective (I saw this on my feed the other day and thought that it was definitely a topic that I found interesting enough to warrant a comment), I have to agree with the other guy (whoever you are). I would most certainly hope that I am not just Mr. Good-Enough. However, I differ in my thoughts in that it's not I'm just Mr. Right..I would want to be Mr. Right-For-Whoever.

I don't think anyone should ever "settle" for anything. That's like going out for a good steak and instead "settling" for a quarter pounder. It may be satisfying at the moment, but it's not quite what you wanted. Rather than settle, you just have to know what you are willing to compromise. Maybe he doesn't look like Matthew McConaughey, but he does know how to make you smile every time.

Crazy Doug - that was very well said! I think a big part of the problem is that we have unrealistic expectations on what Mr. Right actually means. We are bombarded with romantic movies, TV shows, and if you're a reader like me, books, in which the man always says and does the most romantic things. In the case of the books I read, it's because that is the "ideal" not the reality, and it's written by women! There will always be things about anyone that bug you, but if you constantly think you are going to find an ideal person, you will probably end up alone in the end after a string of failed relationships. When you find someone who you get along with well, have common interests with, have a physical attraction too....is it that much of a deal breaker if he picks his toenails, or leaves his wet towel on the floor instead of in the hamper? Every person has to decide for themselves what their standars are because it's a give and take. I can bet there are irritating habits that you as a woman have that make the man in your life cringe, but if the good outweighs the bad, and you fall in love and are happy, then how is that "settling"? Thinking you shouldn't have to tolerate any flaws is just not realistic. Thinking you can "do better" is the wrong way to approach it. Do you love him, and does he love you? Tha's the important part!

What is interesting is that from what I understand this book is not about marrying someone you aren't sure is good enough, but more about realizing your standards or pickiness and little things you could change that might make finding guys and falling in love easier. I love my husband for everything that he is. Is he a perfect mold of a guy that I held on a pedestal originally...no. But I love him and accept his flaws as he accepts mine and I don't at all believe that someone out there is better suited for me.

Interesting statements made by everyone. I tend to read these statements so I can try to find Mr. Right, hoping for a glimpse of help in a comment to give me strength with Mr. Wrong. And as E. Boost stated how many people do verbally state "Hey you are Mr. Wrong!" Correct - no one is perfect, even though some people strive to be, there is always leway given in any relationship...but I tend to give more than I take, then I find myself feeling empty inside. I definately do want Mr. right, and it is all in the eye of the beholder - preferably not living life with blinders!

Maybe some people would be ok with "settling", but not me!

For years and years I was told repeatedly that my standards for men were just too high, and that I should lower them. I didn't, and I found a man who not only measures up to my standards but surpasses them.

It depends what you mean by settling.
I mean.. if you are older and don't have many prospects sometimes settling does work.
If our standards are too high, we are too picky, and we are lonely, why not?
Growing to love someone and accepting that they aren't exactly perfect can give us perspective.
Personally, I think that those relationships that are built on instant attraction, sex, and spark often burn out very quickly because the illusion fades. This does not mean settling for some creep or creepette who has huge flaws and red flags.
It means overall taking a good look at what we can live with.

The woman who wrote the book didn't get it right the first time around and obviously wouldn't get it right the second time around. I'd understand if she said women shouldn't just look at the superficial things when first meeting a guy and dating him, but to say you should be less picky about the guy you marry is just wrong. There's nothing wrong with being single and even if you never find the right person you can still be happy.

There is no "he has everything guy". If it seems a guy does my guess it is only a matter of time till the negative points show. Marry the man who loves you more than himself.

Women often tend to (I know some men are guilty of the same) set standards not only beyond what’s reasonable but beyond what’s even real. The bottom line is you cannot expect more out of a partner than what you are. If you not a motivated intuitive millionaire with a good grip on reality and balanced emotions…..guess what sister, you’re not going to land one. If you’re not Cindy Crawford you can’t demand a David Beckum. This attitude of “I deserve it” but your not willing to be it is hypicritical and will lead to constant disappointment. If you strive to be “it” (emotionally well rounded or selfless or considerate) then you can demand it in a partner

from a guys perspective...I would hope I was Mr Right. I wouldn't want to be Mr. Good Enough. That is unfair to both of you. If you don't have passion, you have nothing.

I think the timing of this book is great. Some people do tend to have such high standards as to what they are looking for in a mate and so many of those standards are so superficial and has little to do with the character or integrity of a person.....real qualities. I'm 52 and met the love of my life finally when I least expected it. He was not my usual type but I decided I liked so many of his qualities that I'd give him a chance. He's amazing and so different from any man I've ever been with. I wish my daughter who's 23 would see beyond the 'hotness' of a guy and look for such great qualities such as honesty, loyalty, integrity, compassion, generosity, selflessness, humbleness, a person with a purpose driven life, loving, authentic, etc. It's amazing what rare gems one can find out there when you look beyond the 'hot' factor and end up seeing the true beauty of someone.

I'm sure this book is getting lots of comments all over the media. I haven't read it, but as a 41-year old who married my live-in boyfriend at age 36--while I still wasn't 100 % sure he was the "ONE" I can say I have never regretted getting married and even if we don't make it for the long haul (which I hope we do), we have an amazing daughter who looks just like him and she has brought us together in a way that we never had before. He's not college educated and I have a masters, he loves WW2 stuff and I read British novels and watch Masterpiece. But, mostly, we make it work. So, though "settling" is an awful word, everbody has to settle for something they don't like or wouldn't have chosen in their partner. Find soemone who doesn't get on your nerves and shares your core values and some sexual chemistry and it's a good start.

I must be the one Mr. Good Enough picked on in elementary, been burned more times than I have hairs on my head. haha. -_-

I agree with appletini, it does depend on what you mean by settling.

But also, you have to look at it from different views I guess is what I'm trying to say.
We may lower our standards and not even notice, because EVERYONE has flaws, no one is perfect. If you spend enough time with that certain person, sure he/she might not have what you thought you wanted, but you've learned to love them exactly as they are, flaws and all.
But I don't agree with this book for the most part.
Women deserve Mr. Right
Not Mr. Good Enough
What happens when he's good enough right now and worse later? That's setting yourself up for failure right from the start.

FYI
get your fucking head out of the clouds..there is no Mr. Right!!!!