I grew up in a little town just south of Detroit. We had a limestone quarry, a Ford factory, a truck stop, and a blue collar belief that working hard and having a family were the only two goals worth having. Though I left the town where I grew up over a decade ago, there's a part of me that still feels connected to this ethos. And as a woman who is still single at 30, I sometimes wonder if that means I've missed the boat on marriage completely. Here's a look at why being single at 30 kind of stinks.
The dating pond is full of fish who have been thrown back for a reason.
Is it just me, or do all the good ones seem to be already taken? When you're single at 30, your dating options seem so much more limited than your dating options at 20, or even 27. Single men my age generally seem either desperate to settle down yesterday, or totally commitment-phobic. Those precious few still treading sanely in the middle often seem damaged in other ways that make them unsuitable past a few dates.
When I meet a man my age who seems funny, smart, reasonably attractive, and at least minimally employed, I get ridiculously excited at my good fortune. After all, these are the men that most women hope to catch. Unfortunately, I'm all too often disappointed to discover what's been keeping him single all this time. Whether it's severe psychological trauma, a sexual attraction to stuffed animals, or functional alcoholism, these men are single because they just aren't keepers.
Do I want to believe that there is a great one lurking in the deep still, one that's been swimming patiently around in circles waiting for my specific lure? Of course! But wow, the pond gets more and more polluted every year.
Having sex is not the same as making sweet, sweet love.
What most women who are still single at 30 have discovered is that it isn't hard to find sex outside the context of a relationship. Sometimes, a one-night stand or a vacation fling can help us to stay young-feeling and sexy in the middle of a relationship dry spell.
As fun as recreational sex can be, it's never as meaningful or joyous as the kind of sex you can only have with someone you truly love. As the years go by, I wonder how much longer I'll still be young and pretty enough to land myself a long-term love that I want to mess up the sheets with all night long. A future of nothing but dry spells punctuated by flings sounds dismal indeed, especially when I already know it's possible for sex to mean so much more.
People do better in pairs.
Think about all the tedious and difficult things you have to do on a daily basis to maintain a semi-organized existence. Now imagine splitting everything in half for the rest of your life. Suddenly, things like washing that mountain of dishes, paying the bills, and scheduling a plumber don't seem so awful when you've got someone else to share the burden.
Being single at 30 means that you can either live alone, or you can choose to split household responsibilities with a roommate. While living alone means more privacy, it can also get overwhelming when life gets hectic and no one else is around to remember to pay the cable bill. Living with a roommate can help save both time and money in maintaining a household, but a roommate situation is almost never permanent. Maybe I'm fantasizing too much, but it would be awfully nice to have a permanent partner to team up with in this game of life.
Is being single at 30 really that bad?
No! For all my belly-aching in this article, I admit that I love my life and my independence. After all, there are legitimate reasons I haven't felt ready to take the plunge with anyone yet. For the other side of the story, click on my profile to see my article that examines why being single at 30 can be pretty great.
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