How much does it pay to be a cat holder-downer? Find out here.
Even people with jobs are depressed about the nation's unemployment statistics. The outlook is dire enough to make everyone check job boards, even if it's just to witness the miserly market.
Craigslist tends to be a first stop for people, and not just because they're hoping to waste time sifting through ads for Ikea castoffs and 1980s McDonald's drink ware. People are using Craigslist in their search for part-time gigs as well as full-time employment, and for good reason: More than 1 million job listings are posted on Craigslist every month.
Now that doesn't mean there are a million amazing job openings. In fact, Craigslist is riddled with ads for surrogate mothers, egg donors, sperm donors and unpaid interns.
But those are so yesterday when it comes to weirdness.
We have sorted through the endless job listings to find the 10 strangest Craigslist job ads. What's more, these are real opportunities -- well, as real as these types of jobs can be.
1. WANTED: Female Social DrinkersWhat's not to love about this Seattle job? For the sake of research, women ages 18 to 30 are invited to participate in a study on alcohol and social interactions. While they're looking for all ethnicities (their emphasis, not mine), only women who are unattached will qualify. Up to $350 in Amazon gift certificates are on the line! Do they waive the pesky legal drinking age for this study? That's a question 18- to 20-year-olds should probably ask before imbibing.
2. WANTED: Pack Leaders
Dogtopia of Alexandria, Va., announces: "This could be the best job EVER!" Here's your chance to be the alpha dog at your workplace in a very literal way. Pack Leaders supervise and play with active canines all day long. Keep in mind, most dogs in day care are either too precious (spoiled) to be left alone during working hours or too neurotic -- where is Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan when you need him? Figuring out the critters can be part of the excitement. It's a nearly perfect opportunity until you read the part about ensuring a clean day care facility. I think we all know what kind of duty that entails.
3. WANTED: Urine Drug Screen Collector
Though this employer prefers urine-collecting experience, it's certainly not required. What is required is the ability to drive a 23-foot RV around the state of Washington. The job is part time, so it appears the rest of your week can be dedicated to touristy RV fun. Who can turn down an all-expense-paid sightseeing adventure with other people's urine in tow?
4. WANTED: Professional Pancake Flipper
Isn't every best job described as a "piece of cake"? Here, you'll be flipping them all day long at Chris Cakes of Colorado in Evergreen, Colo. Sadly, there will be other job requirements that will take away from the tossing time, which include but are not limited to light building maintenance. Hey, even tasty pancakes have two sides.
5. WANTED: Crime Scene Technicians
A "premier provider of crime scene clean up services" seeks technicians in New Hampshire on an on-call basis to respond to extreme cleaning situations. These can include death scenes, meth labs, hoarders, trauma, workplace accidents with significant blood spills and general gross filth. Plus: A stable job. Minus: You will be Debbie Downer at every social gathering you attend.
[InvestingAnswers feature: Craigslist: 3 Used Treasures to Look For, 3 Duds to Avoid]
6. WANTED: Outgoing Dudes To Man The Restroom -- "No Hotheads!"
There is a Phoenix restroom in need of three "mature male restroom attendants" for crowd control. Don't think you can slack off just because your office is the men's room. This job requires someone with a professional look and demeanor who can provide at least four premium colognes. (If you're unsure which colognes count as "premium," the job ad provides a list of examples.) Attendants can expect to take home $22 per hour and enjoy unlimited bathroom breaks.
7. WANTED: Gorilla
The good patrons of Lawrenceville Mercer Mall in New Jersey are in for a treat. European Wax Center is hiring an enthusiastic and friendly person to dress up in a gorilla suit to hand out free wax cards six hours a day. The ad does not say whether the gorilla is eligible for a free wax.
8. WANTED: Webcam Models
Apply today and start broadcasting tomorrow! Attractive women, men and couples can earn $1 to $4 per minute. Of course, that doesn't include tips, gifts and bonuses. Duh! According to the website referenced in the ad, Webcam models can earn $80 per hour. You won't even need a free wax with that kind of dough.
The rest of the list is less "job opportunity" and more "you'll never guess what I did today." Perhaps you can even use it as leverage against your willful future grandchildren someday. ("Be grateful! You won't believe what I had to do for money when I was your age.")
9. WANTED: Cat Holder-Downer
An industrious home-groomer in Asheville, N.C., needs help with his "rockin' awesome cat" as he gives it a haircut. While the half-hour gig only pays $10 in cash, the holder-downer will also be compensated with beer, good music and stimulating conversation. To ease applicants' worries, the description states: "You may bring a companion, alert the authorities of your whereabouts and do anything else you need to make sure you feel safe." If you're still curious how it'll all play out, the ad provides a detailed sketch of the procedure.
10. WANTED: Mini-Marshmallow Hand Feeder
If you're an open-minded, honest, clean, hard worker in Austin, Texas, this could be the job for you! Tasks may include hand-feeding mini-marshmellows, racing shopping carts and playing Pictionary. Applicants must like childlike, innocent fun and submit a resume in Haiku form. But before you think this could be your life calling, know that the ad also discreetly offers this one, last detail: No Pay.
The Investing Answer: There's a lesson learned from these job openings: Keep your options open. Could your career path go: Investment Banker/Hairy Gorilla/Mini-marshmellow Feeder/Investment Banker? You'll never know unless you try.
- By Stacey Closser
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