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If you are around a bunch of guys, or a specific guy you like, Super Bowl Sunday can be a treacherous minefield for a girl. Being that I'm such a nice guy, I figured I would take it upon myself to present you ladies with 10 things you need to know during the big game on Sunday.
This list includes some basic information you should know on the game itself, as well as things you should avoid doing and saying around any guy.
1. Peyton Manning is the quarterback for Indianapolis and Drew Brees is the quarterback for New Orleans. Don't mix these up. Seriously, don't.
2. Reggie Bush is not just Kim Kardashian's boyfriend -- he's also a running back for the Saints. If he comes up in conversation, don't mention his girlfriend and her generous derriere; instead talk about Bush as a player.
To give you a better idea about Reggie, imagine this scenario: the best looking guy you have ever seen just came up to you and asked you out. You plan an evening, get all dolled up, and he picks you up in a limo. Then imagine the first thing he says at dinner is "Yeah I'm basically homeless right now. You're cool with paying for dinner and the car tonight, right?" Then he proceeds to talk about how he is still in love with his ex all night. Your level of disappointment would come close to approaching what most football fans feel about Reggie Bush's career up to this point.
So when you refer to him, say something about how he's largely been a disappointment since entering the NFL as the No. 2 pick in the 2006 NFL Draft. If you really want to impress, mention that you think this season he's finally started to look like the guy who won the Heisman Trophy at USC -- and how it's possible that the Saints have finally figured out how to use him properly.
3. Peyton Manning's father, Archie, played for New Orleans for 11 seasons and is a member of the Saints' Hall of Fame. He has claimed he will be rooting for the Colts (and his son) on Sunday. Saints fans are not happy about that fact. Because, as we well know, people from New Orleans are totally rational.
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4. Jim Caldwell is in his first year as the head coach with the Indianapolis Colts. Caldwell replaced Tony Dungy after he retired following seven incredibly successful seasons. Dungy led the Colts to a Super Bowl title in 2007 and is generally revered in Indiana in the same fashion that David Hasselhoff is revered in Germany.
5. Don't ever tell a guy you are rooting for a team because you think they have the "cuter" players.
6. Don't ever tell a guy you are rooting for a team because you like their uniforms.
7. Peyton Manning is WAY better than his brother Eli. Eli is the quarterback for the New York Giants and he led them to a Super Bowl victory in 2007. Other than the last few games that year, he's pretty much been the Stephen Baldwin to Peyton's Alec.
Peyton just won his fourth MVP award and has been to the Pro Bowl 10 times in his 12 NFL seasons. He is on pace to break every NFL quarterbacking record. After he completes passes just consistently shake your head and say "Man, he's amazing. Maybe the best quarterback ever."
No one will argue with you.
8. New Orleans has never even been to a Super Bowl before this season. They've traditionally been one of the NFL's worst teams. The franchise went through its first 20 seasons without registering a winning record. They have the fifth worst winning percentage in NFL history at .421. It is therefore not surprising that for years they were referred to as the "Aints."
Until recently New Orleans was the NFL equivalent of Heidi Montag's music career. A violent train-wreck that everyone not involved enjoyed tremendously.
9. Indianapolis beat the Chicago Bears in Super Bowl XLI in 2007. It was the team's second Super Bowl title -- they also won Super Bowl V over the Cowboys in 1971. But if you talked to fans of the team, you would think they had won 20 Super Bowls.
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It's Indiana -- they don't have much else positive going for them. Trust me, I went to college there.
10. Whatever you do, do not mention: Miley Cyrus, Grey's Anatomy, Channing Tatum, Tyra Banks, Lady Gaga, Nancy Pelosi, Brody Jenner, or Brett Favre. Just trust me on this one.
Ryan Phillips is a 29-year-old freelance journalist. He is the founder of Rumors and Rants, one of the top sports blogs on the internet. He and four friends write much longer, more incoherent posts there.
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