Spitting these out won't necessarily be easy (or pretty), but doing so can help trigger changes that ultimately lead to healthier relationships, not to mention heftier paychecks! Plus: Find out the what your guy doesn't what to know about your ex and the ten things you should never say in bed.
1) "You Need to Lose Weight"
There's a reason you tear-up while watching The Biggest Loser: Weight is an emotional issue. Which is why it should only be brought up with a family member, your BFF, or the long-term guy in your life - people who will understand that it's only said with their best interest at heart. Otherwise, it's just bitchy and you'll come off seeming like her fremeny. "If you care about somebody and see them engaging in behavior that's putting their health at risk, you have a legitimate reason to bring the problem to light," says Dr. Xavier Amador, Ph.D, author of I'm Right, You're Wrong, Now What? The reality is that people's bodies change when they're under stress or going through hard emotional times, adds Elizabeth Schroeder, EdD, MSW, editor of Taking Sides: Clashing Views in Controversial Issues in Family and Personal Relationships. So soften the blow of what's certain to be a serious ego-killer by making sure they know you aren't blaming them for the gain, and by acknowledging your awareness of the external factors at play. Try something like "I'm really beginning to worry that all this work drama has caused you to put on an unhealthy amount of weight." Then ask if there's anything you can do to help them get back in shape... like kicking their ass in a Wii Super Hula-Hoop challenge. Or try out some of these work-out tips from Olympian athletes.
2) "Your Boyfriend Is Cheating on You"
No friend wants to be the bearer of this bad news. But consider this: "Imagine how you'd feel if your boyfriend was involved with other people and you discovered your close friend was withholding that information from you," suggests Dr. Amador. "Not only would you lose the trust you had for your partner, but now it's also been severed with the friend." Telling what you know is a sign of respect, adds Amador. Begin by asking her questions about her relationship. "How are you feeling about him?" "Do you sense that you can trust him?" Get her to explore her feelings and instincts. If she doesn't already have her own suspicions, she's bound to ask where you're going with this. Take a deep breath and explain that you feel compelled to tell her something, even though you know it will upset her. "Be sure to explain your rationale as to why you're sharing this piece of what's certain to be devastating news," says Schroeder. Be prepared: She may very well lash out at you once she hears it. If she does, remind her of your pure motives. Adds Dr. Amador, "The friendship will only be damaged if it wasn't a strong friendship to begin with."
3) "I Deserve a Raise"
Think you're long overdue for a financial upgrade? Then you must speak up or risk going into a downward spiral. "If you don't feel you're getting the money you deserve, you'll become increasingly dissatisfied, which will affect your morale and performance," says Dr. Amador. However, bare in mind that you ask for - don't demand a raise. When knocking on your boss' door, be ready with solid reasoning as to why you should be making bigger bucks. "Employers want to see that you've gone far above and beyond the minimal requirements that your position entails," says Schroeder. Remember those e-mails where your clients ooh'd and ahh'd about what a fabulous job you did? Unleash them. Having back-up documentation on hand is super-helpful as you make your case. And be sure to have a particular (realistic!) percentage in mind. (According to Dr. Amador, "10% raises are pills most bosses can swallow, though it's smart to ask for a little more than you think you'll get.") Candy-coat your request by stressing things you really love and appreciate about the company and the work you do. Timing is everything and there's one time you definitely shouldn't bring up money. If the answer is no, try not to let your frustration show. Instead, ask for clear guidance as to what you can do to qualify for a raise, and if you can revisit the subject in three to six months.
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Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.