by Lindsey Palmer, REDBOOK
You know the feeling: You're introduced to someone new and - boom! - you're instant pals, or you meet a man and - sigh - it's love at first sight. That mysterious experience we call "hitting it off" is what psychologist Rom Brafman and his brother, Ori, explore in their new book, Click: The Magic of Instant Connections.
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The Brafmans' research uncovers the "accelerators," such as complementary body language and letting down your guard, that lead to instant bonds and also strengthen long-term relationships. "These accelerators generate 'click' because they boost intimacy," Ori says. "Whether you're trying to connect with someone new or reignite the flames in a marriage, more intimacy is what you're aiming for, and the strategies to achieve it are the same."
Here, he explains three easy ways to harness the power of "click" to feel closer to your guy:
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1. Give a quick kiss. "Studies bear out the importance of casual touch, how it makes us feel safer and more empathetic," Brafman says. "So scootch in a little closer to your husband, and make a point of touching him casually, on the elbow or hip, throughout the day."
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2. Look for likenesses. "We naturally seek out similarities as a way to feel close to others, and the happiest couples are on a constant quest to uncover ways in which they're alike," Brafman says. "Sharing things in common with your partner - anything from a mutual love of slapstick comedy to a joint passion for pizza - makes you feel like you're part of the same unit, that you're both in your own little 'in group.'"
3. Get in sync. "Meeting your partner where he is, on both the body and mind levels, leads to increased intimacy," Brafman says. "Paying attention to what he's saying is important, but you can also demonstrate your understanding by mirroring his gestures, like crossing your legs when he does. He'll subconsciously understand that you're present with him and then naturally reciprocate for you." Still, no need to go too far: If you catch your guy scratching his chest, well, that can be his thing.
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Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.