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    5 Behaviors of Manipulative People

    By Brett Blumenthal - Sheer Balance | Work + Money – Wed, Dec 2, 2009 7:40 PM EST

    Many of us like to think the best of people. We like to think that they shoot straight and are forthright in their intentions. We also like to believe that they will ask for what they want and not resort to crazy tactics to get it. Unfortunately, however, there are times when we come across those who will do whatever it takes to get what they want...including manipulation. Being manipulated never feels good, but the worst part of manipulation is that often, we don't even realize that it is happening. Here are a few ways to know if someone is trying to manipulate you:

    1. Buttering You Up: To get their way, manipulators will often make you feel good so that they can then ask you to do something that they want. The person may first compliment you or tell you what a wonderful job you did on something. Making you feel good will, in their mind, make it difficult for you to say no…after all, you wouldn't want to disappoint them or give them reason to think you didn't deserve the compliment in the first place. What you can do: Return the compliments and the niceties before saying no.
    2. Guilt: This doesn't only pertain to Catholics and Jewish Mothers; guilt trips have been a successful manipulation tactic for centuries. The saddest part of this strategy is that the victims of this tactic succumb to the manipulators' demands because they feel they HAVE to, not because they WANT to. In personal relationships, this sets up a co-dependency that is extremely unhealthy. What you can do: Ask the individual if they want you to do something because you have to or because you want to. If they say they want you to want to do it, tell them that you don't and that they are trying to force you into something you don't feel comfortable with.
    3. Broken Record: Probably the most obvious of formats is the broken record tactic. If a person asks you enough or pushes their agenda enough…constantly repeating the question or request over and over again…in slightly different ways, the victim will inevitably give in and give them what they want. Oye! What you can do: Ask the individual what they don't understand about the word "no." Tell them that asking you over and over again isn't going to change anything and that they are inappropriately over-stepping boundaries.
    4. Selective Memory: This one gets me the most. You swear you have a conversation about a plan and everyone is on the same page, and then one day, the manipulator pretends to remember the conversation completely differently, if at all. What you can do: Record your conversations…seriously! Okay, maybe not. At least have a witness that you can count on to back you up if the person pulls this shenanigan. Call them out on the fact that they conveniently change the game to fit their needs.
    5. Bullying: If a person doesn't get their way, they make you out to look or feel like the bad guy…like you are the wrong one. What you can do: Be firm and tell them that their bullying tactics are inappropriate and unacceptable.

    Keep your eyes open for these behaviors and continue to stand your ground to ensure that you aren't a victim of manipulation. Have you seen any other types of manipulative behavior?



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    963 comments

    • Angelal
      Angelal  •  Tucker, Georgia  •  12 days ago
      I will ignored this person turn off my phone,avoid all contacts with them. they usually go away and I feel greet. Avoidances is my best outcome for myself. ;)
    • Lil
      Lil  •  1 month 25 days ago
      Easy to submit to this pattern of manipulative behavior in the being of relationships in order to please, but hard to break. Never submit to something the first time that you don't plan on continuing. That is the key to success when dealing these massive manipulators.
    • Nia Starr
      Nia Starr  •  5 months ago
      My ex did these things quite often. When I found out why he asked certain questions I took what information I had to the POLICE. (I WILL NOT GO INTO DETAILS) hat he was doing was against the law... I fel sorry for him, jis family and those like him.. May GOD have mercy on him.
    • Roberto
      Roberto  •  7 months ago
      lol... avoiding Manipulative tactics??? too shallow, too simple... there are master manipulators over there, that play with your feelings, reads your behavior, suggests in ways one can´t imagine... too brilliant, too smart, like a chessmaster... Hope you wont cross any... those 5 advices just work for, common people, almost everyone manipulates in some way or another... just commoners...
    • Alice
      Alice  •  10 months ago
      brilliant! Some people are just nice and can be easily taken for granted... others are a bit more wise and can see right through the manipulators. I like to give the benefit of the doubt, then if nothing changes I walk away.
    •  •  6 months ago
      Sounds like bpd/npd, which may be merged in dsm v cluster b under gunderson. i think they should be merged and have thought so for about seven years knowing my stalker....a laywer of course....emory should be so proud.
    • Wuwf
      Wuwf  •  11 months ago
      On the way to the park. I saw coach purses the blue sky with snow-white clouds. I saw pear trees and some apple trees and so on. Below the trees, there are several kinds of flowers. It's colorful, blue, red, yellow, pink, purple, orange and white.I saw some coach colette collection balloons and butterflies in the sky. I ate popcorn, cornflakes, banana and lollipop. They were wonderful. In the afternoon, we went to coach alexandra collection the zoo. I visited the birds, mice, cats, dogs, budgies, hamsters, rabbits and so on.
    • No name
      No name  •  1 year 0 months ago
      Read a book called " inside the Criminal Mind' it definds every day peole who are crininally minded by degrees! They keep a file on you in their minds, and believe in keeping you guessing, playing mind games with you and others, they actually ENJOY tormenting others and lying about their intentions.Love is not in their vocabulary, they only know and want CONTROL, and they think everything you own belongs to them, and minipulate you to no end. they get a kick out of your unhappiness!!
    • divinegirl052811
      divinegirl052811  •  1 year 0 months ago
      lol! that sounds like people i used to have in my life. i had NO idea how manipulative they really were until they left my life. yep, they wanted me to do what they wanted and when i went against their wishes, they called ME psycho and dumped me. what brought all that out? a girl who had no business being in that circle started some stuff with me and when her actions caused a lot of damage to me, they told me for the sake of the group to drop it. sorry, but i draw the line when somebody disrespects my family; especially when one of the members is dead. i went after her with both barrels and it felt SO good to stand up for myself. the crazy heifer manipulated the group into believing i was the psycho when in reality she's a sociopath. but i'm better off because i have a better group of friends who aren't so quick to believe the worst about me. the rest of them i have forgiven. i just hope they don't lose their souls because that's where it's heading if they don't stop their craziness.
    •  •  1 year 0 months ago
      Finally.... a word for what I lived with for 9 1/2 years. It's SOCIOPATH!!! And I finally kicked him out for good 10 months ago. He's already engaged to someone else. I just wish my kids didn't have him as a father!
    • Julie
      Julie  •  1 year 2 months ago
      If you have not read bretts comment DO he nailed it!!!!!!!! thanks brett
    • Dena
      Dena  •  1 year 6 months ago
      To the woman who says her husband is controlling because he was given
      everything he wanted when he was a child, oonsider this:
      He may not have been given ANYTHING he wanted as a child. He may
      have been controlled by one or both of his parents, or shamed or
      made to feel he had no control. Or traumatized.
      Narcissistic and controlling behavior does not come from
      generosity or nurturing.
    • ladybug
      ladybug  •  1 year 4 months ago
      Catholic guilt- Must go to Confession every week. For what, I was 6 -14 years old. I had to make up sins because I just didn't have enough for every week. No, the priest wouldn't accept that I didn't have any sins to report. 10 Hail Mary's and one Our Father every time. They told me I would burn in hell. I was a little girl. Church every morning before Catholic school and countless funerals for people I didn't know. If I sneezed I had to pay a nickel to the missions in some other country. The nuns would throw 8 inch thick dictionarys on the floor if I got an answer wrong. I would have to stand up through entire classes if I didn't have an answer. I felt evil by the time I graduated 8th grade in 1983. I didn't realize that God was love until I was an adult. So the people offended by the mention of Catholics in this article maybe you didn't go to a Roman Catholic elementary school in the 70's or 80's or maybe they were able to brainwash and manipulate you. Maybe your family donated alot and so God loved you more. I know I was a shy, sensitive kid and Catholic school destroyed me. Guilt-evil.
    • Lisa
      Lisa  •  1 year 8 months ago
      Sounds like my mother in law as well.
    • try conservatism
      try conservatism  •  2 years 2 months ago
      These are all tactics used by the left...think about it and what are their agendas. Really think about it.
    • diamondspider
      diamondspider  •  2 years 2 months ago
      Fantastic article!!

      Now, we just have to see how we try to use government to do these same things to others, and we're there!
    • dre f
      dre f  •  2 years 2 months ago
      manipualtive people... should be called 5 common traits of all girls....
    • Linda
      Linda  •  2 years 2 months ago
      Wow..this blog pertain to some Pilipina I know in Misawa,Japan---Manipulation---I know one pilipina girl here in Misawa,Japan who really fit this description that I see about manipulation--she is bossy,pushy,lier and manipulative but then of course some of them worked and met their husband in bars so they know how to really manipulate American mens so they can get to U.S. not all Pilipina because some are US citizens already but the ones who worked in bars fit this description of manipulation so watch out::)If you already know...
    • Less Gov't
      Less Gov't  •  2 years 2 months ago
      Pretty good advice overall. Since most people have some level of dysfunction in this regard, it can be difficult to say "no" to manipulators. However, for those of us who have had to overcome varying levels of family dysfunction (alcoholism, co-dependency, other addictions), manipulative behavior is easy to spot and can sometimes be fun turning the tables on people like this (harder to do if they are your boss).
    • steven
      steven  •  2 years 2 months ago
      Jesus christ ive been in this situation and the only thing to do is tell her to hit the highwayyy!!!
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