5 Steamy Phone Sex Tips
Whether you are in a long-distance relationship, or live together, phone sex can spice up your love life.
- Amber Madison, BettyConfidential.com
To many women, the idea of having phone sex sounds about as comfortable as faking an orgasm over dinner. But for couples in long-distance relationships, phone sex is often the only way to keep a sexual element in the relationship while the two of you are apart. Sandi, a 27-year-old whose boyfriend lives across the world says, "In our months apart, our relationship feels strange because it becomes completely asexual." If your man is far away, or even if you live with him, phone sex is a hot way to spice things up. Here's how to haaaave… ahh… ahh… oh-baby-I-want-you-so-bad! phone sex.
Testing the waters: Quite simply, phone sex is two people talking dirty on the phone while simultaneously masturbating and pretending they're having sex with each other. Bottom line: It takes two to tango. But it's best not to jump into initiating phone sex without testing the waters first. Start by sending him a dirty text and see how he responds. If he writes something sexy back, you've got the green light. If he doesn't respond, or asks if your phone was stolen, you probably have to talk with him about it first.
Getting started: If this is something new in your relationship, take your time finding your comfort zone. "Work up to phone sex," says 25-year-old Nancy, a long distance relationship-er/phone sex aficionado. "Start out by exchanging sexy text messages." With sex texting you have time to think about your response, and see what things feel the most natural for you to say. It's also much easier to text "I want u to lick me" than it is to say that over the phone. With that in mind, having phone sex means you're going to have to feel comfortable talking dirty, saying words like " c--- ," " p----" and "tits." If necessary, spend some time saying those words out loud until they feel like a natural part of your vocabulary. And if you really can't stomach them, then just use vague statements along the lines of "Stick it in me." After all, he should know what "it" is as well as where "it" is going. Another option: using body part nicknames that are familiar to both you and your partner.
Foreplay: Phone sex should progress like regular sex. Going from how was your day to "I want it rough" is too jarring. It's best to start small. "Begin with clothing," says Nancy. "It's kind of a cheesy cliché, but it's the easiest." Ask your guy what he's wearing, tell him you wish you could see him without his shirt on, or ask what he would do if you were to take your shirt off. Think about how sex usually starts, and talk about those types of activities (kissing, undressing, etc.).
The main event: Now for the meat and potatoes of phone sex: What the hell do you say? The biggest myth about phone sex is that you have to describe sex as though it were actually happening. Many people feel dumb having to say, "You're doing me so hard right now," when in fact you're just doing yourself. In reality, the majority of phone sex isn't describing what is happening, so much as what would happen if you two were together. Most phone-sexers agree that phone sex dialogs usually fall into one of two categories: either instructional or Q&A. Instructional lines are "I want to ____" or "I wish you were ______ing me right now." Q&A lines are if/then statements, such as, "If I did this, what would you do to me?" Tara, 31, who has been in a long-distance relationship for three years, suggests "choosing statements that give a visual image of what is happening." It's having the visual image, and the excitement of what you would do to each other that is ultimately arousing.
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Taking it to the next level: Couples who are technologically advanced - or are already accomplished phone-sexers - can bump up the experience by doing it over Skype or via webcam, adding a real-time visual element to what's happening. Some women find that the webcam makes phone sex easier to get into. "When I was able to see my boyfriend's face and how he was reacting, I felt a lot less like a creep. It wasn't like I was just texting or talking dirty to some guy on the other line," says Nancy. "It helped to solidify that I was actually doing this with my boyfriend." With video you have the option of not just talking to your guy about what he would do, but actually showing him what you're doing to yourself.
Not only is phone sex the perfect way to keep the spark alive when you and your partner can't be together, but it's also a hot way to let your man know what really turns you on. After all that instruction, when you finally are together, he'll know exactly what you wish he'd do to you.
BettyConfidential's Sexpert Amber Madison is a sex educator and author of Hooking Up: A Girl's All-Out Guide to Sex and Sexuality, and Talking Sex With Your Kids, to be released this March.
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