This weekend the Food Network is taking to the open sea. Iron Chef's Cat Cora and Chef V City's Aaron Sanchez lead the mission of the The Food Network at Sea cruise making all station stops at Fort Lauderdale, San Juan, St. Maarten and St. Thomas. Now I could seriously get behind a ship stuffed with delicious meals and food preparation challenges. In fact how has it taken so long for anyone to think of this? Cruises are a lot like conventions: some reflect a small but devoted cultural community, others are beacons of a growing wide-spread movement. As far as which category the following cruises fall into, your guess is as good as mine.
The Backstreet Boys Cruise
Be honest, you fantasized about being trapped on a yacht with AJ McLean 10 years ago. Now's your chance. The package deal includes a live concert, a group photo session, and a "Backstreet Boys Experience with all band members," whatever that means. Uh oh.
Denise Linn. Caroline Myss. Brian L. Weiss. If those names register to you, and your idea of a vacation is attending panels, there's a ship you should go on. This self-help gathering is covering topics like traveling at the speed of love, reprogramming your subconcious mind and "Defy Gravity Healing Beyond the Bounds of Reason". Huh? Sounds kind of important though. Also there's probably a buffet.Kid Rock's Chillin' the Most Cruise
Is this the laziest or most brilliant career move for the rap rock 90's singer? On the one hand, he was probably planning on sitting on a boat in a hot tub swigging malt liquor anyway. On the other hand, the cruise is already sold out. So not all Rock fans have jumped ship for Jugaloo waters.
How did this get past the pitch process? And has anyone pitched an "Alive" themed plane ride? Dibs. I guess if you've seen the movie, and the documentaries on the history channel every. single. day. And you've read the historical biographies. And you've been on the amusement park themed ride. And you're still wondering "but what did it feel like?" By all means, book this cruise.Adult Bat Mitzvah Cruises
Count me in. The first time around I was too mortified of my parents and the notable absense of boys my age, I couldn't even enjoy the limbo. This cruise seems to focus on the services aspect of the right of passage but there's probably a dance floor on the ship. And where there's a dance floor, there's a DJ playing "We Are Family"
Tea Party at Sea
If someone doesn't go on this cruise and write a tell all article then just write missed opportunity on my head (wipe off the word "stupid" while you at it, I don't know how that got there). For one week superstars of mispelled signage will break from thinking up more signs, and be on hand for Q&A's, panel discussions and whatever else happens, happens okay? There's also a boxing ring on the ship so don't think that's not getting some action.
There you are Richard! I havent seen you in a while and it made me sad. I would go on this cruise because I love that man. He wears leg warmers and shares my hair texture. Jillian Michaels can take her fancy, new-guard cruise, which also launches this year, and shove it. Because sweatin' to the oldies is where it's at. Expect a lot of tears and a lot of apostrophes.