Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the question, Do you think guys cheat more than women?
Straight Single Guy (Max):
I'll admit it. We men are a lousy bunch. Almost all of us, at some point, break down and think with our penises instead of using our common sense. No matter how wonderful you may be as a girlfriend, remember that we are weak, egocentric, and driven mostly by our hormones. Given a situation in which our lovely lady goes missing, we will temporarily forget all the awesome things they do, and we will flirt. While there are many great dudes out there that are smart enough to keep it in their pants, this friendly banter often leads to some opportunity and, often thanks to the taboo nature of this opportunity, we just might make a move -- a move that we will most likely regret. (Alas, this is turning autobiographical.) A girl, on the other hand, is more likely to be satisfied with the attention and flirtation alone. She doesn't NEED the physical confirmation to get an ego boost. This isn't to say that girls don't cheat, but that they're simply smarter about it. Do you know how much that hurts to admit?! (Does Your Man Have "The Cheating Gene?")
Straight Married Guy (Matt):
I think men and women cheat for different reasons. Men most often cheat to satisfy their inherent desire for variety. Women most often cheat because they either find someone more physically desirable than their long-term partner, or because they're missing the feeling of being lusted after. I think the latter happens to be a direct result of men's desire for variety being stifled in a long-term relationship.
But men cheat more, because variety is a more constant drive. If given the option (say, their wives/partners were totally cool with it), guys would sleep with just about anyone--even someone less attractive than their wife, even if they were getting all the attention and affection they needed. They would sleep with someone different every day--maybe even several times a day. I just don't believe that would be appealing to most women over the long term. (I'm not talking about on occasion here, I mean different partners every day, for years. If you offered women the choice between that and a daily massage, they'd take the massage.) This inherent desire for variety is a constantly suppressed impulse for pretty much every guy I know--even the ones who would never, ever stray. (Do you know the type of person most likely to have an affair?)
That said, when women cheat, I believe they are better at hiding it. Because it's often less impulsive, they probably think about it more beforehand, and by doing so, have themselves better covered with alibis and fewer clues. The more impulsive cheating by men is likelier to leave them stranded with more glaring evidence, and fewer means of concealing the act. Besides, women listen better and pay more attention, as a rule, so they're more apt to pick up on inconsistencies and guilt from their partner.
When you attach them to lie detectors, guys don't lie! Here, the secrets they're not keeping anymore.
Gay Committed Guy (Terence):
Do men cheat more than women? My intuition is screaming yes. But I also think our perception of men as cheaters feeds their cheating behavior -- which is another column entirely. Women don't suffer the vast generalization of being thought of as cheaters. Men do. Is this because there is some big conspiracy to keep people from thinking women cheat more than men? I don't think so. I think men are generally thought to be cheaters because, generally, they cheat. But before I get slammed as a gender traitor, what do you mean by cheating?
The reality is I don't think men hold cheating in the same regard as women. Cheating breaks the golden rule: monogamy. But if the intention of monogamy is to protect the relationship by ensuring an emotional fidelity which makes sure each party cherishes and protects the other indefinitely, then I would argue that many men just don't see a random, unemotionally involved shag as cheating.
So if we've got to look at it in absolutes, then I believe yes, technically, men cheat more than women. But with life's continuous chaos and change, I'd rather stick with a partner who may have some random shags here and there if he's consistently emotionally monogamous with me.
Our "guys" are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention . Th is week they're all a little shy.
Related:Celebrity Cheaters: The eight infidelities that rocked our "their-lives-are-so-much-better-than-ours" fantasies.
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