Advice from our guy friends. This week they answer the question: If a woman really likes a guy, should she NOT sleep with him on the first date? Or does it matter?
Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner): If by "really likes," you mean, "has any interest in going on another date with him ever," the answer is probably not. Unless the sex is mind-blowing, his name will never show up on her caller ID again. And if the sex is mind-blowing, then his name will show up on her caller ID all the time, because he will think of her as his ----- buddy. (What if his name doesn't show-up on caller ID, but in your in-box instead--does a post-sex e-mail mean he's just not that into you?)
That said, I've always found it better to lie and manipulate than to be straightforward. She shouldn't tell him she won't have sex. In fact, she should probably be as arousing as possible before being allergic to his cat or getting an emergency phone call from her mother. That way she gets credit for being willing to put out, but forces him to call her again. By the end of the second date, either she'll find him so annoying that she'll sleep with him just to make him go away, or he'll actually realize that it might be worth keeping her number, and she's safe sleeping with him.
I suppose there are other options if she waits until the third date to have sex with him, but having never been in that situation, I can't speak to them.
Before you hit the sack, you've got to have something to talk about: Three Foolproof First-Date Conversation Topics
Straight Married Guy (Jamie):
I consider myself a pretty progressive guy when it comes to sexual mores and don't think there's anything "slutty" about a woman sleeping with a guy on the first date. That said, I do think it sends the wrong message if the woman likes the guy and is interested in more than just a physical relationship. No matter how much of a dog a guy's been, if you give it up on the first date and then start a relationship, it will always be in the back of his mind (double standard notwithstanding) that you gave it up on the first date. No decent guy is going to bail on you just because he has to wait until the second or third date to score. And this way you've got a better gauge of whether he's interested in you or just what happens at the end of the evening.
Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): As long as you're reasonably emotionally balanced, then definitely, you should sleep with him right away. You don't even have to wait 'til after dinner, just shove him into the stairwell when you first meet. I know the folklore says you gotta wait until the third date, but that's only for guys you sorta like. For guys you really like, there's no downside to moving fast. If he's a playboy who's not planning to call you back, then you'll find out quick and save yourself a few weeks of getting your hopes up.
I've never thought badly of a girl for going the distance on a first date. I have, however, given up on a few girls who withheld the goods for too long. It makes me think you're not interested, or not interested enough, both of which are turn-offs. Also, like everybody, I hate it when people play games, and making me wait is a pretty obvious one.
Our "guys" are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention . Th is week's Gay Committed Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish: My Quest to Become the Gayest Person Ever .
Related: Three Steps For Getting That Perfect First Kiss
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