A few months ago, my fiance and his dad went to a bachelor party, and his dad paid for him to have two lap dances. We almost broke up because of this, and I think I was more frustrated and grossed out by the fact that his father paid for his lap dances, and the fact that he had to have two. Why does a guy feel that it's ok to go to a strip club or have lap dances if he's "happy" in his relationship?
DEAR REDBOOK READER:
Okay, there are a couple of things I need to address in this letter. First, one woman's gross is another man's harmless $15 worth of fun. A lot of guys think of a strip club as an oasis: It's not real, but it ain't so bad to pretend every now and then. If it bothers you, and you let him know, and he still doesn't agree with you, then this is a boundary issue between the two of you that I can't help with.
But to be honest, it sounds like you're harping on a single incident. If that's the case, and he's not coming home every night smelling like boob sweat, with dirty singles stuck to the heel of his shoe, let it go. He didn't know where you stood on the issues of lap dances; now he does; and now you know where he stands, and each of you can make choices accordingly for if, or when, the issue arises in the future.
Lastly, while the lap dances are not exactly a red flag in my opinion, the fact that his father was buying them for him is. Who does that?! Did his father get hit in the head with a mallet at some point and is now like Harrison Ford in "Regarding Henry"? Because that's the only answer I can come up for wanting to be around your son and strippers at the same time. Maybe your fiance doesn't actually like lap dances, but since his dad was pushing them on him he felt obligated, like when your mom offers you another helping of the pork chops she made especially for you, and, even though you're stuffed, you eat them because you feel weird and guilty telling her no. I had a nightmare about my dad joining me at a strip club after reading this question, it ended with Karel waking me up after I began trying to claw my eyes out of my head in my sleep. This totally turned my world view upside down. I thought maybe I was being uptight, so I called every dude I know, and all except one agreed that it was creepy.
Here are a few choice quotes from those dudes:
"Those are two worlds that should never meet."
"I can't imagine my dad shouting, 'Could you grind on my boy's johnson a little harder miss?'"
I even asked a couple of dads of teenage boys, and they just looked at me like I had offered them a bowl of puke for lunch. The one friend who said he wouldn't have a problem with going to a strip club with his dad is the exception that proves the rule because he hunts for the Jersey Devil in his spare time.
But I don't know, maybe the world is topsy turvy, and I'm the one with the hang-ups and only know other prudes. Would you ladies have a problem taking your moms to an All-Male Nude Review? Would you be freaked out if your husband said he and his dad were headed off to the Rear Admiral's to see who wins this year's Golden G-String competition?
I need to know I'm not crazy. Please help.
Need help decoding odd male behavior? Redbook columnist Aaron Traister, who lives in Philadelphia with his wife and two kids, is our resident male who is happy to answer any questions you might have about the mind of a man. Either leave your questions in the comments or email him at email@example.com Whys Guy in the subject. Letters, emails, and comments may be edited for clarity and length.
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