I tried going to sleep but something in me just kept brewing in my mind. I am about to put myself out on the limb again. Sometimes exposure is the only way you can help others along with yourself. The other day, and it is amazing how the Lord works. I was speaking with my cousin about how I wished certain people would read my Blog. I prayed about it, but it still festered in me that I was not being thought of. The next day my mother and I went to run a few errands. I went into a certain location while she waited for me in the car. When I returned she was reading Job. It didn't dawn on my why, I just brushed it off and preceded on to our next location. Here is the sequence that I am still replaying in my mind; the reason why I am unable to sleep.
- Someone sends me a message saying there is an important story they have to share with me about my future.
- As I pick up the phone to call the person that messaged me online, my phone rings. The person on the other end explained to me that I am a good writer and have the potential to be an excellent writer. Mind you, this is one of the persons that I expected to never read my Blogs. Second, the first sign of my prayer was answered (I didn't heed the warning).
- After hanging up with the person, I called the person that messaged me online. We talked and what was said bothered me for a long time so I called my cousin (as usual).
- She asked me how I felt about the information and I told her I was down. She didn't have enough time to elaborate or answer but said that she would call me later.
- Unsatisfied with her answer I called someone else. This person gave me another answer that brought me even further into my misery.
That night I was so depressed you guys. I went online to try to build my spirits up and that didn't work. I noticed that my cousin was online and I tried speaking with her then, but again she was busy. I sent her a sad face because I was still down. Tell me, in all of this going from the phone to the internet, what did I do wrong? If you know the answer hold that thought.
Finally, I spoke with my cousin, and to no avail, she had an answer. It was so simple an answer that it brought me to tears; so simple an answer that I cried and couldn't stop crying because of my convictions. Here I was on the phone with a woman who was going through similar situations, found love, is content, and remembered that no matter what, Christ still ruled her life. I forgot that about myself in a simple little instance. You see, instead of me calling on Him, I called on everyone and everything looking for the answer. The answer was already there. I just didn't heed to what He had already given me. I prayed about it and the answer was there the very next day when I first picked up the phone and heard the person tell me that they read my Blogs. Instead, I did the opposite and I didn't remain hopeful.
This is what my cousin said to me that evening after she attended Bible Study. In Psalms 1:1-3 a Blessed man is one who stands firm in Christ. He does not follow the progression by walking amongst the wicked, nor does he stop to hear someone else's words. He also does not sit amongst them. Yup, that's what I did. I passed through on the internet, and saw the message. I stopped and contemplated on the message (the person that left the message is not evil at all, but the progression that I took to follow their word was an evil action on my part). When my mother read Job while waiting for me in the car, I was not holding on to the Lord. He answered my question. I knew the story so I should not have brushed it off and proceeded to go to our next destination without contemplating on the Lords words. Regardless of how many times the enemy tried to take him away from God, He did not move. He was like the tree planted by the streams of water, with his delight in the Law of the Lord.
I messed up again, falling from my calling. Not believing with my delight in the Law of the Lord. I fell for man and man's words (I withered). I slipped so fast into a spiral of despair that I almost gave up hope. Hope for Christ and future relationships. He promised me everything that I can ever ask for (my fruit Galatians 5:22-23), but I was not a good servant that day. It was revealed to me right on time before I would go deeper into a funk that I would not be able to return from. Ya'll be hopeful. Let the Lord in more often then you say you do. Give Him the opportunity to drive for a change. Stop doubting because He is always there. Love you guys, and pray for me.
Shani
