How Do You Break Up With a Friend?

"Reading this article was painful for me. I recently lost a friend from my social group. We used to have dinner and talk books, politics, etc. Then, literally overnight, she stopped responding to my Facebook posts and started backing out of dinner dates. No explanation of why. I felt like a reject, a loser, a victim. It would have been much kinder if she'd had the courage and integrity to be honest with me instead of trying to spare her own feelings by making me be the one to end the friendship. Oh yeah, and as for this article, I think the author supports callousness, disingenuous behavior, and superficiality."

A thousand times THIS!

I had a friend and she was borderline abusive; especially when she got drunk. We'd end up in fights and a few times they got physical. I had enough and took the time to call her and say, "friends don't beat each other up." I told her I couldn't do it anymore. She lives in my neighborhood so she's close and I've not seen her in years. She tries now and then to reconnect by calling and/or on Facebook but, I said my piece and I've stuck to it. It won't change so I avoid it.

Really interesting, but i just did this to one of my closest friends....she was so clingy, and i couldnt take it anymore. i always was driving, paying, and felt more like a parent then a friend. I was settling everything that would happened as well. She always was upset, always had an attitude, and always made drama. So i told her the truth, i told her that i think she is a sweet person, who means well, but these are the reasons that things aren't working out....and maybe once things settle down in the future, and we grow up a bit, we can be friends again. Simply put, and i wished her well. It didn't end badly at all, just honesty was the key i am guessing. Really depends on the person too.

I had this happen to me...no reason...did not allow me to apologize for whatever I did or said. I have seen her in a group setting from time-to-time and she acts like nothing happened...she has been know to have mental illness, but I have always looked over this. Maybe I am better off but I have never had this happen to me...they have generally just faded away because they moved away.

As far as male friendships, I had a guy who wanted more from me than I was willing to give him. He never communicated anything really, about his feeling or anything..he thought if I buy her a meal or two she will jump in the bed with me...no just wanted to be friends...not long after he blocked e-mails, never returns calls but when he sees me he acts like we are old friends. However, he admitted during a recent conversation that he "stalks" me in FACEBOOK...what is up with these people?

I once had an online friend who I was best friends with for 2 years and refused to talk to me over the phone after slow and steady, but constant requests from me, tell a mutual friend of ours through e-mail that while she cared for me, she "couldn't be the same friend to me that I was to her"... In other words, I was trying to help her and be there for her (in the only way I could) through a life-threatening situation and because she didn't want my help, she pushed me away with a lie.

People still tell me how I was a better friend than her because of the way she treated me, but since she wasn't always like that and I once considered her to be a great friend, its actually hard for me to believe them at times. I'm still not over it and I don't think I ever will be (and let's face it, do you ever really get over something like that?). I'll never forget her but man was that a blow to the face (through my computer, no less). To this day, it still hurts that she couldn't just tell me herself how she felt, let alone to my face.

Great article, thank you, I'm glad I read it.

Just stop hanging out with them and talk to them only when you need to.

Perfect. Let's continue to perpetuate the stereotypical woman approach and ignore, avoid, and pretty much refuse to be honest, in hopes of averting the dreaded "confrontation."

There are times when you need to put your big girl panties on & deal with the situation in front of you. Ignoring someone instead of being gentle, kind, respectful & honest, says a lot about what kind of person you are. How you treat someone says everything about you. It reflects upon you, not them.

I did an email in the past and afterward, discovered that this wasn't the right thing to do. Heed this advice, just avoid the person until they go away. I have trouble with hiding (avoiding) someone when they're callin so I chose to tell them but this isn't the way it should be done. You don't want hurt this person's feelings or burn future bridges so to speak. You want them out of your life but telling them directly will hurt the other person. Again, avoidance is the answer. Luckily, this person doesn't hate me after I sent the email. Mainly, because she made up her own reason as to why I didn't want to be friends. She brought to light, a lie that she told which I was not aware of..so ala-confirmation..Not "hanging out" with this person was the right thing to do. A true friend, she would never have been.

I usually only cut somebody if they are deceitful. I first make sure they know honesty is important to me, then, if they are incapable of understanding the concept, or don't care what I want, I tell them so. I don't think face-to-face is preferable over letter, phone, or email. Sometimes the person feels they have to fight face to face, when in an email, they'd just agree, and take you out of their info.
I detest trying to be a friend to somebody who won't tell me they just don't like me. I keep believing they are busy and I try to accomodate until they make it obvious. Then they are pissy about it as if I were bad because I made them be clear. Think of all the potential friendships that are lost by a dropped call or a misunderstanding because the recipient thought it was a 'bug-off' message. I think the person who does the rejection is obligated to at least make it clear. The method is not as important as the message.

I agree with Darlita. I don't need friends in my life to drag me down, especially other women. I can't tolerate their gossip and drama, whether it's about a celebrity or their bf/husband/anyone else. Funny, I've done the same thing w/ ex-friends in public...I completely ignore them. To break up with one, I simply stop going around them, and if they come around me, I tune them out, act indifferent, or treat them with complete contempt. People aren't worth the nonsense and trouble they create in my life. Why be tactful? A lot of people don't get the hint. If that's the case, tell them to F Off. I don't know of anyone who wants to be around after that.

I have recently "broken up" with two friends... they didn't make me feel good about myself or the things that i did, their friendship was very toxic to me. It was in my best interest to sever the relationships. I do admit that i didn't go about it the right way and i could have handled the situation better. But i feel that in the situation i was in i did the best i could.

I do think about them sometimes but i know in my heart i did the best thing for me by ending the friendships with them. I was friends with them for many years and had many good times. I try to surround myself with good people that make me feel good about myself and i can do the same for them.

i would kick her ass and say go to hell!

LOL! nah, i have lose of my close friends before, because of some unexplainable reasons.

i tried to talk it out with them, because of all the things i hate, loosing a friend is number one.
but, if the situation can not really be fixed, then just leave it. you can not force someone to like you, or to hang out with you. but if you see that there's still hope, then try your best to fix it. talk it out with them.
i know that your anger can really get into your head during this times, so as long as you can, avoid bursting out. it will only make things worse.
i think that a confrontations and talks are still the best to solve this kind of problems. :)

Here's an article about Toxic Friends You Can Live Without. Hopefully it'll help most of you identify the types of friends you should break up with:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5670216/7_toxic_friends_you_can_live_without.html?cat=7

I have to agree with what "John" said earlier:

"It's difficult when it's so insidious as to not be noticeable, but, at the end of the day, looking at everybody's lives, I just found we really didn't have anything in common anymore. I think friendship is kind of a journey: if your not willing to go the same way or bring another along, the journey's at its end. We all move on with or without our "friends".

People change, as well as their goals and outlooks on life. It's sad when it happpens, but you must move on and cherish the people in your every day life who really care, and keep in touch sincerely, even if it can't be as often as you'd wish.....

you don't ditch your old friends. that's uncool. once a friend always a friend. that's the way it is. make new friends but keep the old. one is silver and the other gold. unless the old friend turns into a bad friend, then maybe... a former friend who now treats you bad, etc.

or the friends that continually try to guilt you into making plans?

or the friends that continually try to guilt you into making plans?

I sear it is just like a woman to suggest giving a phony line - "I'm busy for a month..." or just ignoring them. What a disrespectufl and childish way to act and what a terrible way to treat another human being. Be honest and upfront - say what you mean and mean what you say. Most adults will be able to handle that.

6 months ago, I had a bad "break-up" with a long time friend. It was long in coming, and a lot harder to do than I anticipated. Without going into great detail, the whole reason things started going downhill between us was because I started dating. My husband passed away 5 years ago. She and I became inseperable. I didn't plan on dating, it just crept up on me a year prior to that. I had signed up for several "dating sites", and was actually enjoying the banter between myself and prospective dates.

Apparently, I had struck a nerve with my friend. She was the only one of my friends who got annoyed whenever I mentioned talking to someone new, and it got progressively worse if I wanted to go on a meet & greet. To spare her feelings, I stopped talking about it altogether. I did everything I could to reassure her that our friendship was rock solid, and that I would never let some guy come between us, but it didn't help. She started seeking out other ways to take up her spare time that didn't include me. That was fine and well, but she was intentionally avoiding me.

To make things more complicated, we were also business partners for about 10 years. We did craft shows, craft fairs, and sold things online together. She was beginning to fib to me about things. She ordered supplies and had them shipped to someone elses house without telling me. I discovered that when I went to that person's house and saw a number of boxes and things from one of the companies we did business with. Her "babysitting" job went from a few hours a week to almost daily. After talking to her "boss"(which also happened to be a friend of mine), I was informed that her services were only required a few days a week, and that the rest of her time spent there was on a voluntary basis.

Everything between us after that went down hill quickly. I confronted her about it, and became a battle of words. She finally admitted to me that she assumed that after my husband died, it would be her, me and my 10 year old forever and ever and ever. My wanting male companionship interfered with her plans. She is not a lesbian. She's married, albeit in a very unhappy marriage. I was the emotional support she needed. My dating scared her. She assumed that I would find "Mr. Right", and ride off into the sunset, never to be seen again. It couldn't have been any further from the truth, but no amount of explaining would change how she felt.

The culmination and ultimate demise of our friendship was something rather personal, and had a lot to do with my own family. She decided to keep some extremely pertinant information from me. With guilt in her soul, she had spent an entire day with me, right up until 9pm. She had not done that in nearly a year. it was the next day that I found out what had gone on.

Needless to say, I was extremely hurt. And angry. I couldn't talk. I sobbed so hard I couldn't breathe. How could someone who claimed to be my friend withhold that kind of information from me? Who's friend was she? Apparently, not really mine. When I confronted her, all she could say was, "I'm respecting the wishes of another adult". I knew much better than that. She was looking for a way to "punish" me for dating, and this was the catalyst. No matter what I said or did, she felt slighted, and wouldn't admit to doing anything wrong. She hung up the phone and wouldn't answer it again. It left me with no choice but to email her and tell her it's over.

I'm still angry about it all, but I refuse to let that get in the way of living my own life. I said what I had to say via email. In her response, she still feels she's done nothing wrong, so I'm not going to bother trying to convince her otherwise. It's been months now since we spoke, and if I never hear from her again, it's fine with me.

People come and go in our lives for a reason. Some stay a lifetime, others don't. We serve our purpose and move on. This friendship and it's end is a perfect example of that. I lost two friends that day, and don't regret it.

Some people are saying... why would you break up with a friend? God Bless you for having the fortune of never having a bad friendship.

I've had a best friend(ship) for about 7 years and had to finally and forever kick him to the curb. The using, the bragging, the putting himself on a pedestal and looking down on me, the judging, the indecisiveness, the having to prod him to want to DO something with his life after listening to him whine that he is in financial hardships (as he wastes more money), the waiting for replies and then realizing that he could reply at anytime from his blackberry that he is ALWAYS working on - yet if it's anything that he DOESN"T want to deal with, you never get an answer only excuses...... but the final straw was the set lies and betrayal. And then coming down on ME (others and our church) for doubting him and calling him on his lies.

Cut him off cold turkey after that. He calls and asks what happened, and I delete the messages. He knows...he just doesn't want to face it.

I miss our fun times (they were wonerful)- but always come back to the lies - and then give thanks that he is gone!