How do You Tell a Pal They're Not Invited to a Wedding?

Obviously, if you've been following this blog, you know that I'm not getting married anytime soon. But I do have a lot of friends who are currently engaged and in the process of planning their weddings, and this is a question that's recently come up in a spate of conversations-I think especially with this economy.

How do you let a pal know that they're not on the guest list to a wedding? We're talking about the people these girls genuinely enjoy having in their lives-the office buddies, the girls they meet up with for girl's nights, the ones who are in the orbit of their social circle-but who aren't their nearest and dearest and who-especially when you add in the plus ones-bring the total guest number to over the number they're comfortable with.

It's definitely happened to me before-and I think the thing that hurt the most about not being invited was more the fact that the bride didn't tell me herself, but waited for a friend to let me know. Honestly, it IS an awkward convo, but I so would have appreciated a brief e-mail or conversation, saying that they were keeping the wedding small, but that they appreciated my friendship,. That way, there wouldn't have been so much awkwardness when we saw each other in the months leading up to her wedding-I felt like I couldn't ask her about the planning, and I felt sort of like I wasn't even "officially" supposed to know she was getting married.

I've had other pals who've kept their actual weddings small, but, contrary to what Emily Post and other etiquette books say, have had a large, everyone's invited engagement party. It's fun, casual, and a way for those peripherary friends to share their good wishes.

In general (and this may change once I'm actually on the other side of the guest list) I have to say I think honesty is the best policy-after all, everyone understands budgets-but what do you think?

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