How to cope with expensive friends

Yeah but how much did you drink? You dont have to order 3 expensive cocktails just cuz she is. Order one and sip on a water too. duh?

Unfortunately in our group of friends we divide the bill by the number of ppl, I never had the courage to speak up thinking they will think of me as the problem maker.. I always eat much less than anyone at the table and I don't even drink ever. I always feel its unfair to pay $25 when anything I ate was less than $10. Suggestions anyone on how can I put my point forward without sounding rude?

I guess I have the opposite problem. I'm the friend without the budget and try to be self conscious of my budget friends. I always ask for restaurant suggestions instead of just offering my own because I know I spend more than most on food. However, what do I do when people defer to me because I'm the dining out queen? I don't know what is an acceptable "budget" amount to spend on food. Is it $10/plate? $15? Less than $10? I always stress that I may be picking a restaurant that would normally be out of their price range and they are too embarrassed to say something. Like the author says, tell me how much you can afford to spend and we'll go somewhere that fits. I really don't mind. I'm there to hang out with you, not judge you for how much you spend on dinner.

I have my own personal rules 4 and 5 to the list, which overall I agree with (the above list):
4. If friend A is organizing, flat out state that you will NOT be dividing the bill equally as soon as she says "do you want to meet for dinner?", as orders the most expensive item and a bottle of wine (for example) and then goes and stiffs on the tip to further insult everyone. Further, request separate bill from server. Been bit on this twice, refuse to be bit again. She snarked at me at what would have been the third time, I snarked back, we now have an understanding that I won't help pay for her filet, wine, and appetizers while I'm eating a side salad and drinking water.

5. Friend B isn't "allowed" to select the restaurant as she has no clue to the value of the dollar and will pick the joint that is the most expensive in 100 miles! Thankfully, she only will suggest a place if nobody else will!

Yes, you should speak up woman..!!!! If this is out of your budget then you should have picked another place, but ok, don't be so hard on yourself, lesson learned, Right???... I have friends who are on a budget, I am not, but still I always ask them where they want to go and I expect them to speak up and be honest because I can go anywhere, I just want to go out and spend time with them, the place as long as they have good food I don't care, so if they are good and close friends, they will understand and should not care or judge.

Jett 6 .. That b-day party with crab dinner is really tacky if they expect you to reimburse them, they are the ones throwing the party..!!! What ever happened to etiquette and manners??

Um...OK. It sounds like you're the one who picked the pricey place, not them. Didn't your friends give you the chance at a less expensive place? It sounds to me like you're trying to blame your friends for your having to spend a lot of money at a place YOU wanted to go to in the first place.

I know what you mean about sometimes having to deal with people who think you have a bottomless wallet. Tomorrow is my niece's 12th birthday and her parents are taking her to a Japanese restaurant where the average meal is $25/person. They invited the family as well, but my husband and I had to duck out because we can't afford $50 plus tip for dinner, not when we're in the midst of a family wedding and all its shabang, plus two vacations coming up. The same people — my husband's brother and his wife — have crab legs for the wife's birthday every year. Everyone who attends the party is expected to reimburse them $50/person! Just to attend the party!! And even if we don't like crab legs and won't be eating any!!! So we have to miss the birthday party every year because we don't have that kind of money, on top of a gift too.

So I know what you mean, but really, if you can't afford to go to the jazz club, tell them.

Ok, if these are your "friends", then it should not be difficult to say... "hey I am on a budget, you all can spend whatever, I am not going over $25 tonight, including drinks." If they have a problem with it, are they truly your friends?

What works for me is this: If I can afford to blow money (on going out) then I will go, if I know I cant, then I wont. I have even had to pay extra for a friend here and there, and I do not mind it if I can spare the change, as long as they dont do it ALL the time.

realitygirl13 your side note is so true! Amen sista!

ok my dear i want 2 fri with u

im a lover singl boy i dont have afrent i need any one abut frent ar u may frent?

But what if the spendthrift is your president?

MY NAME IS ALI AND I LiKe have a good friend.

hi man come pk

My friends love designer brands and NICE resturants, I can't afford $30 + tips for dinner for just me (this does not include drinks). Luckily my friends usually only go out for dinner for birthdays and other special occasions. I do my best to order cheaper things. I haven't come across the "split the bill evenly" thing. But that's a no-no. I would have to tell my friends I only have X amount of dollars. When I go shopping with my friends they pick stores I know I can't afford and kind of look sad when I don't try anything on, but I'm not going to tempt myself, I just watch them have fun. You just have to stick to your guns, your friends should love you, no matter your budget, and always be aware of how much you are spending and honestly, bring cash leave the plastic at home. You can only spend what you have on hand.

oh~ You have many friends.It is very very nice ~
I chart with my friends is not time .
(Everytime i with my boyfriend together)
He does not want to give me go out with my friends.
So i have little friends......

I am dumbfounded by the number of people who don't/won't speak up to protect themselves. As other posters have said, set rules up front, say no and stay home or ask for separate checks. There is NO reason why anyone has to be a victim of thoughtlessness or a lack of awareness by our friends. SPEAK UP. If your friends don't understand, then they are not friends. Many people don't talk about financial specifics of their personal life (and it's no one's business what my - or your - cash flow is unless we choose to share it) but come on, set some limits. Say "I can't afford it". The more you say it, the easier it is to say it again. (Say it with me...I can't afford it.)

hhoi,pololmjpijiji

aaru, I know what you mean, but here are the rules I play by: if you are having dinner with close friends you're comfortable with (and you guys eat out often) only paying for what you order (plus tax and tip) should be acceptable. However, going out with a group you don't always eat with or it's a special occassion, be socially appropriate and split evenly (there is nothing worse than passing a bill around the table while everyone digs for their calculators and take a table inventory of how many chardonney's you had etc.). It sounds harsh, but if you can't afford to go out, then don't. Going out(dinner, drinks, dancing etc.) gets expensive quick. Chance are, if you are preoccupied about the financial burden, you aren't enjoying yourself which makes it "money NOT well spent".

*as a side note* if you are reading this and you are the person who goes out with a group and orders filet mignon and a bottle of fine red wine whilst everyone else if being moderate in their spending and you don't offer to throw in a larger share to cover your more expensive meal, you are the inappropriate one, atleast OFFER. :)

oh.it's was sensitive matter, when i go out with my closed friend , i always know exactly how much money i own, so so i can pay for both or more within my budget if we want to go restaurance. if i can't , i never mention about that and some one can understand what happend. we enjoy any moment when we together , never let any trouble of money harm our relationship.