How to critique someone's writing

Getty ImagesAs a person who makes my living with words, I'm regularly asked to read people's writing and give feedback. A business plan. A resume. Website copy. A grad school application essay. A profile for an online dating site.

I usually say some variation of yes to the request. But giving feedback is complex. Sometimes the person really wants me re-write the piece, not just give feedback, which makes me feel uncomfortable. People are also vulnerable when they ask for feedback. So I have learned to tread the line between honesty and brutality.

Writers aren't the only ones who are asked to give this kind of feedback. Everyone gets to play editor from time to time. As friends look for jobs, they need help with resumes and cover letters; children ask for help with essays and papers; bosses and colleagues need to know if a speech or report is up to snuff.

When I'm asked to give feedback, I try to follow the following few ground rules. These guidelines have helped me to be honest yet mindful of people's feelings. They have also set up some useful boundaries and to create the best environment for helping people.

1. All feedback should include something constructive. When I started teaching seminars for The OpEd Project, the advice I got for reviewing student work was to start with two positive pieces of feedback because people hear constructive/critical feedback better after positive engagement is established. This is probably because of the negativity bias, a psychological phenomenon which causes people to place more emphasis on negative experiences rather than positive ones.

2. Decide how involved you want to be. Being the informal editor on a friend or colleague's project can be a one-off encounter or a long-term relationship. As long as you're dealing with a peer, you should set some boundaries around this. I often tell people that after the second round of edits I lose my ability to see the material with fresh eyes. Saying that in advance has helped me avoid the feedback loop that never ends.

3. Ask for a reasonable turnaround time. If someone asks for an edit and the deadline is an hour away, there's no way you can do much more than proof for typos. Which is why it's wise to train people to give you enough time to give meaningful feedback.

4. Don't rewrite the piece. Rather, give suggestions so that the person can edit in her own voice/style. Give a man to fish he lives for a day; teach a man to fish, he eats for a life.

So what if it's really really bad? Charles Salzberg, a veteran writing teacher who has mentored hundreds of writers gives this advice: "It's all in the delivery. Try to find one good thing to say. Try to be as honest as possible without being mean or too critical. Also remember that you're not the arbiter. I've seen really crappy pieces get published."

I need to close with one caveat: These rules may not apply when the person asking for feedback signs your paycheck. In those cases, the other person might set the ground rules. Still, if you can implement any of these, it will likely ease the process.

Do you have any good advice for giving feedback?