How to help someone who's been laid off

I just got laid off from a job I hated but couldn't quit. Even though I'm freaking out about money, I really appreciate that my friends have been saying, "Congratulations on your escape!" and "Freedom! At last!!" It's not for everyone but it's a reminder for me that this is what I really wanted... even if it wasn't exactly the way I wanted it.

BACK OFF, that is the one thing i wished people had done, it's so hard when you liked your job or the place you worked and realized that that chapter is over and now it's back to the streets to look for a job. I hated frequent questions and being prodded by well meaning friends and family. I think it's best to let the person figure things out for themselves, at least that it what i wanted and I can't be the only person who hated the "advice" people gave. I also have a very difficult field of interest that is hard to get into. My mother kept suggesting even harder to obtain jobs and after telling her 30 times I no longer wanted to work for a museum or gallery she would not shut up. I now have a job in my field and make little money but am very happy. For parents out their with young adult kids (22-25) telling them to go pound the pavement and use job sites is the most useless advice to be given. Being hired from a site never happens in real life and also can be a scam, it's also never updated and you'll never get a reply after sending your resume, IE personal information over the internet to someone you don't know. "Pounding the Pavement" is embaressing and takes time to build up the balls to do, no one needs to be hounded, we are humiliated, poor, and most likely depressed. I was so depressed after i lost my job I began to drink every night, I would start at noon and be drunk by 3, I was aggressive when drunk and abused my relationship with my partner, he became very worried about me and would forbide me to drink. I suggest if this happens talk to the person about why they are depressed, you may need to help them more than you think, and I mean really help them, find an opening at job they can do just to get started, you don't have to enable but things can take a downward spiral into the can real fast when your laid off.

any job loss, don't give advice unless you're asked for it. i can't remember how many times folks gave me the "well, how about you ..." line. sometimes i just wanted to vent about my frustrations and not have someone tell me what i should do. listening to someone vent their feelings about losing a job can go a long way. listening helps.

Hi Marci,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation with the New York Times. I know how it is losing an opportunity that you enjoy. I was laid off twice in one year as the two companies that I worked for shut down and moved to Mexico (and it was bye bye birdie to everyone). I love reading your work, and your blog is on my favorites list...NY Times doesn't know what it's missing!

I'm glad you brought this situation up as layoffs are a sticky subject. My employer recently had layoffs, and it was a horrible time for me as I didn't know if I would be tapped on the shoulder or see a colleague get walked out of the building.

Unfortunately, I knew someone that got laid off that I worked with closely (and consequently had to assume his responsibilities temporarily). I'd like to give him a call to check up on him, but it's just too awkward.

I would say the precursor to contacting someone is to know if you are close enough to even have that conversation. Although I worked with this person for an extended period of time, I don't feel close enough to contact them about such a sensitive matter. If you can contact them via email, LinkedIn, Facebook, etc., that would be a non-threatening way of initiating communication. If they feel comfortable, they can contact you when they are ready.

In my case, I will send my regards through a mutual friend and ask him to convey that I'm always available to talk/support him through this tough situation.

Great article...keep it up.

Regards,

Daphne Robinson
www.careercougar.com
careercougar.wordpress.com

Hey Marci - I really appreciate this post. It is a perspective that I have not considered. When my friends ask for help, I regularly shower them with "you shoulds" because as a mentor/coach I just can't help myself. Your advice will help me be more empathetic.
Best wishes and thanks again! -Joe

I just recently lost my job and had to move back home(very depressing but thankful) . When you hear the infamous line "so what are you going to do now" you just want to run away and hide,it's so irritating. Like someone said just back off. You never know whats going on within that person besides the lay off just be there for that person in anyway possible.

I was recently laid off, and even though I try to make jokes about the situation, it hurts and is embarassing to discuss. I kept hearing as this recession began how lucky I was because as a teacher I didn't need to worry about losing my job. What a joke! I do agree that if you make a promise to speak to someone, pass along a resume, etc. you need to do it pronto. I am sick of hearing offers of where to look or who to talk to, but no follow through from the person so willing to offer advice.

As a recruiter, I keep my help to my area of expertise. I also realize when talking to someone about their next move, I need to allow them to vent and say things that ordinarily I might not want to hear in an interview. Listening is key, and if you offer any suggestions, let them know it's coming from your own unique perspective and it's up them to feel comfortable and authentic as they present themselves.