The journey I am taking is a wondrous one and a most confusing one. It is strange to see why certain things happened as they did in the aftermath. If we could be so lucky to know before those unknown steps are taken, we would never stick one toe out into the world.
Yet, this is how we learn about life and about love. We tentatively step-we courageously leap-we blindly fall-right into the midst of our lives not knowing what lies out there in the future. Sometimes we are damaged in our haste and sometimes, the damage is what in fact builds our characters. It makes us more, it makes us see, and it makes us become who we should be.
Recently, I had an odd experience. I had a few amazing dates and then a kind of lackluster one with a lovely man and then did not hear from him for awhile. I wasn't too bothered. I was okay about it. But I did wonder now and then what had happened.
You see, in my heart feelings had been lingering of someone else. I seemed to still have this small thought that the person would again be in my life-sooner or later. Life surprised me instead and I learned something in a random sort of way that ended that thought and hope for good. And I learned things I never wanted to know or learn. Another painful lesson that somehow made me more and also made me free at a time when I did not realize I was still jailed with a distant longing of what could have been. I let it go. I let that part of my life that I still clung to go even though it hurt.
The next day, the amazing date man contacted me. Hmmmm, I thought to myself, Why now?I went on another amazing date. I don't know what will happen or how it will turn out. I will simply enjoy the time for what it is. I will appreciate it.
I realized something which almost embarrassed me to realize. Maybe I wasn't ready yet for the amazing date man. Maybe I had not healed enough for a chance to see what could happen because I was still turning one eye towards the past and thinking about that too much.
Maybe life just said, "Hey, you ain't ready lady! So we are stopping here til your heart catches up to your head. You ain't ready I say."
I think, sometimes I am lucky to have life constantly intervening and putting up roadblocks here and there on this journey. We are better off having what we need now and then rather than what we want.
Now I'm ready. Truly I am. Now I am savoring each moment of this journey and not in such a blind rush to find out the destination. I know, in the end, I will be where I am supposed to be and I will keep learning along the way.
Monika M. Basile