aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Love is work. And work isn't always easy. Work takes time. And time is money. So yes, love costs, but in the end, it's usually worth it . . . especially if you get a good deal. (Love is hard, but here are ten amazing reasons to be in a relationship.)
taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Don't even think about staying home, curling up with a good book and going to sleep early. You'll have enough time for rest when you're dead. In the meantime, take a healthy bite out of the big juicy peach of life, turn it up to 11, party like it's 1999, carpe diem, kick it into high gear--take whichever cliche you relate to most and run with it.
gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Someone pushy and manipulative is going to come into your life this week. Push back. Maybe they'll trip and fall into your bed...
cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
This week, attend one of the following, whichever one suits your fancy most: a tree planting, a production of "Our Town" at your local Town Hall, a volunteer shift at the local shelter, a 5K neighborhood run to support local awareness about pollution. Here is your mission: at whichever one you decide to attend, you must attempt small talk with at least one hottie. Chances of meeting someone with half a heart and a common interest in your community are high. (Here's more dating advice from expert dating coaches!)
leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
If Oprah wrote these horoscopes, she'd tell you to rejuvenate, rekindle and reach out for your love. But she doesn't, so we'll just say this: Get busy in the bedroom! Do not leave the bedroom (except to pee) until you've tackled at least five different positions.
virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
Don't sweat the small stuff. And it's all small stuff. Okay, so we didn't make that up. But the man who wrote that bestseller has a point. Life is good for you right now. Don't feel bad about it, even if all around you people are moping and griping and drinking just to get from Monday to Tuesday. Resist the urge to invent a problem to keep misery company.
libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
You know what they say about the weather in New Jersey? If you don't like it, stick around for five minutes and it'll change. Well, lately, you've been through more changes than Michael Jackson's nose, and the people around you are starting to feel a little windswept. Try slowing down for a while. If you need some excitement, turn on the Weather Channel.
scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
You'll be doing that voodoo that you do so well especially well this week. You'll have admirers living 'neath your spell left and right. Just make sure you don't end up sticking any pins through their little doll hearts. (We've got tips and tricks for working your own voodoo over a special some one.)
sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
Lust. Some say the deadliest of the Seven Sins. A conniving and deceitful beast that sneaks up on you at the most unexpected, inopportune moments. Well, turn around honey, 'cause Lust is hot on your tail, and he ain't going nowhere. May as well lock eyes, shake hands and make nice with Lust. Deep down, he's really not such a bad guy.
capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
Signs that your relationship is not built for the long haul: Their idea of a romantic dinner is eating inside the McDonald's rather than driving through. You've never seen them in daylight. You only know what they do for a living because you stole a business card from their wallet. They like flannel sheets in the summer. They're still sleeping with their ex. They're seeing someone else. They're married. You may tell yourself that you're only interested in a quick fling...but are you sure? (We've all dated duds before, but here are 10 bad guys worth dating anyway.)
aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
Yeah, we know we're a fun-loving, free-wheeling, open-minded sex magazine, but there are times when it pays to be more prudish than an English butler. Cross your legs, take a cold shower, lock yourself up with a good book (no erotica!)--do whatever it takes to avoid sexual temptation. Come on, it's a measly seven days: Don't you want to at least find out if you're capable of such a feat?
pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
Wow, you really messed up. Oh boy, the mistakes you've made. You must be bumming... Just kidding. It's not that bad. Everybody makes mistakes and everybody has their low points. If we didn't, we wouldn't be able to experience joy, triumph and ecstasy. Don't sweat it, you're on an uphill.
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