How I Made Peace with the To-Do List

ListI have something to say about making lists. I absolutely abhor them. Even the tedious task of grabbing a pen and paper and numbering items "To Do" makes me feel overwhelmed and grudgingly committed to crossing them off. I am not a Type A personality. In fact, I usually dislike people who are, but that mostly comes from being jealous of all the things they seem able to get done in a day. I remember an old teacher once said to my class: "We all have the same 24 hours in a day, folks. Learn to get it done."



What he didn't realize is I was also raising kids while going to school. It's a testament to my strong will, and my even greater disdain for failure, that pushed me through that time in my life. Instead of giving into frustration, I started writing lists of things to get done (one of them was to finish packing up my college furniture, clothes and all of the toys my children forgot to play with) -- and stuck with it through the years. Begrudgingly.



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The cool thing about keeping these lists, however, is how much they've changed through the years. Not long ago, I found some old lists of mine and realized how mundane some of the items were. I even came across one dating back to 1980, when I was all of 9 years old, with the title "Things To Do." That list is hilarious and a little bit sad. It has 25 items including:

1. Not to talk too much in school
and
2. Do what I am told to do
and, one of my favorites,
3. Not to watch more than 3 hours of TV, unless it's a special

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What I realized during this excavation, is that my childhood lists centered around the theme of being a better person and ending bad habits. When I compare that to the lists I started making in college (under that teacher's guidance) it's obvious they were about tasks that needed completing before I could have any fun. And therein lies the problem. List making as an adult is all about WORK, rather than celebrity crushes (George Michael, what was I thinking?) and outfits I wanted to wear (everything was from The Gap) and places in the world I wanted to live (Costa Rica).

That young girl who once wrote "Not to ask stupid questions" and listed George Michael as her dream man, is more grown up now. She may not ask stupid questions, but she'll still question authority. She doesn't think George is the guy for her. And she still has a lot to do. A lot of things to check off her bucket list (and her grocery list), that if she wants to complete she had better practice the craft of making lists that hold her accountable.

So maybe she should stop being so angry at the lists and see them in a more positive light and teach her children that making them is a conscious promise to oneself to maintain some order and sanity when there's only 24 hours in a day. Maybe she just did.

-By Kelly Wickham

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Kelly WickhamKelly Wickham grew up in Chicago and is the author of Mocha Momma, mother to 4 children ages 16-25, and an all around bon vivant as she and her partner enjoy hosting dinner parties for their friends. She earned an M.S. in Educational Administration and has worked in education as a teacher, literacy coach, private homeschool tutor, guidance dean, and assistant principal.