by Charlotte Hilton Andersen, REDBOOK
Weddings can be awkward. It's hard enough to know what to say to your cousin's wife's niece - put "lovely" "beautiful" and "perfect" into a Mad Lib creator and you'll be golden - but when the wedding is in another country things get even more complicated. Fortunately for us, the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton is at least in a country where they speak our language. Sort of.
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Not on the royal guest list? Don't even know anyone in England? At least you can fake it with this handy guide to British wedding-appropriate phrases translated for your entertainment and enlightenment.
1. What they say: I'm chuffed to bits!
Translation: Congratulations! And not in the pregnancy way!
2. What they say: Your gown is smashing! Absolutely brill!
Translation: Your dress is so cute.
3. What they say: Your wedding china takes the biscuit!
Translation: Why are there people outside selling plates with your faces on them?
4. What they say: I'm off to spend a penny.
Translation: I've got to drop the kids off at the pool. Or talk to a man about a horse. Or do a Splash Dance. Pick your toileting euphemism.
5. What they say: It's a bit nippy out. I wish I had remembered my woolly jumper.
Translation: I'm cold and I need a sweater.
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6. What they say: The groom's cake is bloody delicious.
Translation: This cake is awesome. (And don't worry, it's still vegetarian.)
7. What they say: Why am I sat at the table with all the chavs and tossers?
Translation: There's no good men here.
8. What they say: The flower girls are so luvvly-jubbly!
Translation: Look at those cute flower girls.
9. What they say: How very posh!
Translation: I'm glad my (grand)mother-in-law isn't the Queen of England.
10. What they say: Fancy a snog?
Translation: Want to make out?
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Do you have a favorite British saying? What's the funniest thing someone has said to you at a wedding?
Charlotte Hilton Andersen is the author of The Great Fitness Experiment: One Year of Trying Everything
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Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.