TV: Idol Talk: Even Nashville Has Bad Blues

Rambling notes on "American Idol." Summations can be found on the Yahoo! TV Idol Buzzmeter page.

Nashville auditions start on a high note. Well, not really, but high schooler Darius Thomas aims high and throws a few cosine waves in there. (No, I don't remember my geometry - all I know is that note had contradictions. Sinuisodal? Suicido-sinuisodal?)

But, "Idol" is trying for contradictions this audition, and what better than dredging up the muck in the music town? Christine McCaffrey causes judge Steven Tyler's eyes to cross, Randy Jackson recommends a music career before she really can start. The veteran judge has a meltdown in the first three notes in "I Hope You Can Dance." Jennifer Lopez straightened her hair for Nashville, which makes for a hair curtain.

Here comes the making of a country lyics: The exes Chelsey Oaks and Rob Bolin compete and, in the words of the ex-beau, "It sucks." They two apparently still live together, although she's dating someone else. Host Ryan Seacrest gives Bolin the sympathetic Bro hug. JLo feels tempted to patch up the relationship. Then the duet starts, "Baby You Don't Know What It's Like" (Bee Gees). Sometimes the deepest passion comes from friction. Bolin rasps out some Marvin Gaye quite nicely. Oakes dishes out "The Story" (doing it better than last year's contender).

15 minutes in... Tattoos and Teen Queens
More than 17,000 are queuing up for Ryman Auditorium, and the freaks come out during the daylight hours - including burly tattoo artist Allen Lewis of Ohio that eerily looks like Jack Black's younger brother hidden in the basement. "We fight in this life for everything we got. We're warriors, man." Regarding ice cream flavors. "Mine's vanilla. (To Randy) Yours may be chocolate." Skynard's "Simple" stuns JLo, and not in a good way. He finally notices Jackson's wave of surrender. "You cut me." "The greatest musicians have failed their auditions at least once or twice in their lives." Forget being a band guy. He could be at the pulpit. "He left here all philosophizing," JLo observes. Hey, the dude's an artist.

Stormi Henley might sound like a porn star name, but she was Miss Teen USA. She squeaks out "Father Can You Hear Me," and once again, it's the looks that get her through. "Really guys, really?" come the righteously offended, bristling femme undertones of JLo, the solo no. "That might be the smallest voice we ever heard in five cities."

Denials and tears and Seacrest's clichés ("every storm has a silver lining") stream through in the next hour. Then an interesting candidate comes up - Adrienne Beasley, a black woman adopted by white parents. And she delivers mesmerizingly sweet "American Honey" by Lady Antebellum, and Tyler almost cries and "I wasn't sure why. There was something in your voice and I don't know why." And an understated dad takes the news with utmost pragmatism, "Who's gonna pay your way?" and then, "I'm tickled."

31 minutes in... Self-Delusion, Pats on the Back, and Heart-Tuggers
Little one Kameela Merricks promises to unpack a big voice with "Some Sweet Thing" by Chaka Khan. An unflappable JLo says, "The acoustics work no matter what." Tyler advises practice, Jackson expresses his pain. The rocker whisper-chides the vet, "Don't tell people they're not good." But it's not over for Jackson. The behind-the-scenes jokesters send out the tune-deaf parade. At one point, Ryan Seacrest tells out a weeping Patrick Counts, "It's just an audition man."

The savior comes in the form of blonde Jackie Wilson, age 28, and wisely chooses a lesser known Arethra Franklin, "Until You Come Back to Me." Spontaneous applause from the judges. Sez the Tyler, "That girl was unbelievable…. She sang that song like she wrote it."

For an hour show, the producers try to mix up a reality talent show and an afterschool special on the horrors of self-delusion. Such as one Latoya More, who coos, "I don't have to say a word. They see a glow about me." JLo, recognizing the glow as preening narcissism, comments, "Somebody's ready for their close-up." What horrors lie ahead? Make that nasal terror with "When I Close My Eyes." Jackson says, "It's like, annoying."

Men - Paul McDonald, Jimmie Allen, Danny Pate - save the day. The judges are enjoying the magnanimity… sure, wait until these guys break your heart in Hollywood when they resort to their cruise ship ways. Matt Dillard rocks the tank top under the overalls and a full-on country hat, but his household is full of heart with the foster kids… which translates into Josh Groban "I can pretty up too if you want me too." Randy gives "small yes," JLo says no, and and Tyler changes the unemployed man's future.

What personal heart-tugger rounds out the show? It's yet another 15 year old, Lauren Alaina, inspired by her cousin Holly who has survived cancer. Holly stands by when Alaina sings "Still Living with Your Good-Bye." Jackson declares her performance, "best I've seen today." Tyler calls her "beyondo cute" and he gets pulled into a duet of his own song, "Sweet Surrender." She can certainly do call-and-response. Not a bad strategy for a teenager.