How to make it work when college grads return home to live

My husband and I have helped two of our three grown children. Our son through divorce and our daughter through un-employment. They were not here at the same time, however. It worked out fine.

I must state to Ms. Newberry that your statement regarding 'not needing their parents anymore' is soooooooo cold!!!!....My husband and I hope that our children will always 'need us'! They have many friend's who have lost one or both of their parents'. And, our three have always shown us that they feel blessed to have both parents living and still married to each other!!!!....And, no, they do not USE US!!!!....

I don't really have a choice; the college I'm going to is two and a half miles from my home and staying with my parents is cheaper and I can save money for other things.

It was logical for my sons who traveled frequently and were unmarried to share my 13 room house when they were not traveling. The contribution to the household finances was welcomed too, and it made sense-1 light bill, one phone bill ( before we each had cell phones),one house insurance payment, savings on food, and it was great to come home to a house that had other living bodies in it.
We are all adults, and we acted like it.

Unfortunately, many college students are unable to find jobs in their fields after graduating and wind up moving back home. Sometimes this is really necessary and many times it is just selfish and irresponsible. I can't tell you the number of college grads I have come across who are living off of their aging parents who have also been hit hard by the recession and are struggling to save for retirement. These leeches feel completely entitled to stay at home free of rent, bills and responsibility. Many could find jobs, but feel as though their college degree makes them above delivering pizza, a retail job, food service or being someone's assistant. They only look for jobs within their chosen field, refuse jobs they feel don't pay enough or unpaid internships that would give them the work experience they need for their resume while allowing them the time to moonlight as a waiter. When they do find a job, they promptly manage to lose it because they have a bad attitude, lack work ethic and constantly show up late/don't show up at all because they prioritize partying over their professional life. Never once do they think about the situation they are putting their parents in. They are apathetic, disrespectful, make excuse after excuse and still shell out cash for luxury items. I don't understand why their parents allow it. It is absolutely disgusting. Young adults need to learn to stand on their own. Teach them now or they'll be taking advantage of you forever.

Buffalogal: I bought a house at 25, put 20% down and used money I saved while living on my own to do it. It is very possible and unless you are your parent's caretaker, there is NO excuse to live at home as an adult and not pay fair market value rent, bills and groceries. My parents would have let me do it for awhile, but I never would have dreamed of it.

It is my belief that parents are making a mistake when sending their kids to college because college no longer guarantees a job the way it used to.Plus, there are not enough jobs for everyone who is graduating from college.There are just not enough jobs period.Having a Bachelor's degree used to make a person stand out but now it has become the norm.A graduate degree is the new bachelor's degree.I moved back home to live with my mother because I did not land a job after college.Every day I was reminded of how I failed.If parents were more understanding of the economy,then it would not be such a bad option.It used to be possible to move out and get married while extremely young.Unless one is financially well off or has parents who help in some form,the reality is moving back home is sometimes the only course of action.My mother could not understand why I could not afford my own place.Rents are usually around $1100 a month for a 1 bedroom in NJ.She just expected there to be a high paying job waiting for me.It does not work like that.I am in my twenties and it is a struggle to make ends meet.I was very fortunate to come across a place that is not that much but it is still not easy.

If he wasn't mooching, fine, but kids who strain their parent's financial situation or live off of their parents in order to save money as adults make me angry.

I can understand living at home for free for a previously decided period of time if your parents were unable to help with college bills. That sounds like a fair trade. Living at home for what it would cost you to rent a room in the area your parent's house is in, along with a portion of the utilities, grocery bills, running of errands and chores around the house is also okay and can be a lot more comfortable and more affordable than finding a bunch of roommates to move in with.

Unfortunately, for most of the young adults I have met who are living with their parents, this is not what is going on. They are living at home with their parents like they were when they were children, contribute little to nothing to the household, only now they expect their parent's to treat them as adults and no longer feel the need to be respectful or subscribe to any sort of house rules.

I do think an adult living at home needs some freedom and consideration provided they are contributing to the household properly, but why should parents treat their kids like adults when they aren't being respectful and continue to act like children?

As a college student living at home for the summer, I would agree that the rules for the system need some thought from both parents and children. It is always frustrating to me when my parents make choices on when to treat me like and adult and when to treat me like a child that I don't agree with, and I think that things would be easier if we had set some ground rules. I would have more of an issue with it except that no matter how frustrated I may get at times, I know I'm moving back to the dorms in August, and that'll go by fast. Good article.

It's a bad market out there and a shame this is going to create problems. My parents took a great approach for me, back in 1995. I took a job temping as I did not have a position out of graduation. I paid them $150/mo rent and had to help around the house with outside chores...stunk, but couldn't afford the alternatives.

When a few months later I found a job and was ready to move, they gave me the rent money back as a gift so I could help get furnishings for a new place. Not everyone can do that, but if so, that was the best thing they I could ever have expected.

As to rulese, you gotta live by what they say. You can try to ease up, but you have to work with them...they're already working with you having you back in the home...

I dont mind my son being home but I do get tired of the mess.

Giz, The reason I even brought up my neighbor was, like you, I am aghast at the kids who live at home and contribute nothing. Many of them don't even do their own laundry. Even worse...I have friends who are giving their adult children "allowances" so the kids can afford to live away from home while they "find themselves."

Moving out at a young age is still a fairly new idea. Many of my aunts and uncles lived at home until they married. My Polish babci was very upset when I decided to move to another city soon after college. (I had to remind her that she came over from the "old country" on her own while in her early teens!) On the other hand, we took care of our parents when they could no longer take care of themselves.

I lived at home in the '60s while attending a local university. Absolutely loved it as I had much more freedom than girls/women who lived in the dorms. (For those of you who are too young to remember the '60s...female students had to be back in the dorms by 9 during the week and couldn't wear slacks for the evening meal!) After graduation, spent about 6 months at home, rent free. This was a "reward" for paying my own college expenses. Again, it worked beautifully.

Other than having great parents, I think it worked because I tried to treat them and the situation the way I would a valued roommate. I also respected their concern for me and didn't do things that would worry them unnecessarily.

One of my new neighbors just bought a house with money he saved after living at home for several years. He is in his late twenties and I give him and his parents credit. They seemed to have raised a financially smart kid.

As for not working, I agree with one writer who said you gotta work...you can't just live and not work...there's no incentive to move forward...by temping, I'm in an administrative role, but I'm also in one which is geared to allow me to continue working on finding permanent work.

In some cases, if the compay you temp with is expanding, you may be able to get in one of the positions...if not, at least to potential employers you interview with, you can show you desire to get into a career by having started working.

Independent woman
it's nice to go back to live at home with parents after graduating from college if the person respect and take advantage of the situation and save.
I left home after college had an appartment, went back to live at home for six months then purchaase my own with my fiance in 2008, I was 24 he was 25 and our son was 20 months. it all depends on the person and how they use their college education to actually put it into reality.

My goodness, Giz. No one said he was mooching off his parents. I just thought it was great that he actually saved his money for something worthwhile instead of blowing it. As for what you accomplished, congratulations. It sounds like your parents also raised a financially smart kid.