I met a guy who seemed confident and comfortable with himself, then about two months later, his self-esteem took a nosedive out of nowhere. I'm not talking about the occasional bad day and insecurity that everyone has or even a week of feeling a bit down. I'm talking incessant self-doubt about everything. No matter how often I complimented him or reassured him, he would still pepper me with questions about everything from how he was in bed to how his arm muscles looked. After a month or so of listening to him being needy and feeling like I constantly had to reassure him about every little thing, I couldn't take it anymore and I ended things. Some may think it's a bit cold-hearted to walk away, but there are several reasons why you shouldn't date a guy who has a prolonged problem with self-esteem.
He'll bring you down
You feed off the energy of those around you, so if your guy has a negative energy about him where he feels so bad about himself that he constantly needs you to tell him how fantastic he is in one way or another, that attitude is going to bring you down. You can try to be as positive and happy as you'd like, but it's going to rub off on you.
You'll start to act according to his reactions
When you're with a guy, you want to be able to be yourself. If you're upset you want to tell him; if you want to try something new in bed you want to be able to express yourself. Should your guy have low self-esteem, you're going to worry about opening up for fear of hurting his feelings or having to answer a barrage of questions.
You're feeding into it
If you keep giving him the attention he's looking for, he's going to keep up with his neediness. He knows he's going to be able to get the attention and reassurance from you. You responding to his actions isn't helping you or him.
You're going to lose your mind
One of the most annoying things about dating a guy who has a low self-esteem is that that you will constantly be peppered with questions that you'll feel like you'll have to answer because you don't want to make him feel bad. It will absolutely make you lose your mind. There's a big difference between giving him compliments because you want to and doing it because you feel like you're forced to. When the guy I used to date would ask me a question and I would answer it, there would usually be a followup question along with another question after that. It really is a vicious cycle that just keeps repeating itself until the guy's self-esteem dramatically improves.
All the talking in the world isn't going to make him change; he has to do that on his own. If you're like me, you'll want to stick around and support your guy, but there comes a point where you realize you've done all you can do and if you try to do any more you're going to drive yourself nuts. Things might work out in the future when he figures himself out, but in the meantime you have to decide how long you can really put up with how he's acting.
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