Our girlfriends are our support system through the ups and downs of life. As we get older, our friends become more like our family. Our best buds are there to celebrate as we meet "the one" (again) and help us cry it out if things don't work out. Unfortunately, our friendships and romantic partnerships don't always mix.
After all, it's been you and your BFF since day one. She looks out for you and vice versa. You're "Thelma and Louise" driving off the cliff together or a modern "Lucy and Ethel." However, one of the great things about Lucy and Ethel was that they were both married to Ricky and Fred at the same time. They each had their own lives. Things don't always work out like that in real life. You may outgrow driving off the cliff before your friends do.
Even when the dynamics change, your job is to continue to be the best friend you can be and assure your friends that you'll still be there for them. You are not responsible for making any insecure person feel secure, however. If you're not careful, some friends can even get in the way of your relationship.
Here are the 4 friends that can ruin your relationship:
The "Poor Me" friend.
Everyone knows a spiritual vampire. This kind of vamp doesn't have fangs but she's always surrounded by personal drama and mayhem. Any conversation with her involves coming up with solutions for her myriad of personal problems. When you're happy and in love you may have less time and tolerance to help Miss Negativity get it together. She won't listen to your advice anyway.
Solution: We all go through rough patches in life. If it's a temporary thing, be there for your girl. If "Poor Me" is her way of life, recommend that she seek professional help or join a support group.
The possessive friend.
For "The Possessive Friend," any new person entering your heart is a threat. Whenever there's a boyfriend in the picture, look for this friend to have an emotional freak out. Sometimes our friends are happily coupled up and we're the odd girl out or vice versa. That's life. Naturally when you're in a relationship you're splitting your time with someone else.
Solution: Sadly, you will have to limit the personal stories and joyful moments you share with this friend. Her possessive behavior is unhealthy and you need stronger boundaries.
The "jealous of you" friend.
It's natural to compare our lives to those around us. Although we know that it's unhealthy, it's an easy vice to fall into. However, true success is not about being better than anyone else, it's about being better than we used to be.
"The Jealous Friend" is miserable when the people around her are happy. She will subtly try to sabotage your relationship successes and put the kibosh on your joy. This friend may be holding your hand while secretly expecting you to fall on your face. It's not that she just has expectations that your life and relationships will not work out, she's projecting the low expectations she has of herself.
Solution: You may have outgrown this relationship. People who really love you want you to have the best life possible.
The passive aggressive friend.
It's an ugly truth that we're all self-centered. When you're thinking about your bright, shiny future with someone else, your friends may be thinking, "But how do I fit into the picture?" "The Passive Aggressive Friend" will find fault with anyone you like. She won't come out and speak her mind but will find little ways to throw salt on your romances whenever possible.
Solution: Nip her nasty comments in the bud by saying, "Thank you but I don't really need feedback right now." Be sure that she knows how awesome you think her life is as well.
The bottom line?
Dating and new relationships can be nerve-wracking enough without having to manage the fears of other people. However, it's important to remember that your friends love you and want happiness for you. No matter what, you are your sister's keeper.
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