5 love lies debunked

I will never confess to all the dumb love moves I have made, but I can blame many of them on bad, formative relationship ideas. Let's be real here. If Grandma gives you a piece of advice about love, you tend to listen, but should you? A self-examination of my dating history revealed five myths that helped lead me astray. I am not blaming them all on bad advice; I freely admit that patchouli and white wine played a big role in some of them.

Opposites attract. A confident woman, I always knew what I wanted to be when I "grew up." Somehow, I got it into my head that I needed a man that was a bit more "lost" than I. You know, the complete opposite. I am focused and goal-oriented. He needed to be creative and freewheeling. Wrong! As it turns out, I have no patience for men that are that opposite of me. I stopped looking for my opposite.

Love without like works. I cringe when I hear this, "I love him; I just don't like him." That is so untrue; it is a huge myth! If you can love without liking, that's not love. Good healthy relationships need to be based on friendship if you want them to last.

Children bring you closer. Having babies doesn't fix things; it complicates them. I have so many friends that have taken this course of action, thinking it would solidify or save a marriage. Sometimes things turn around, sometimes they don't. While there's never a perfect time to have kids (at least not in my experience), planning a family when you are unsure of your relationship status is more like gambling.

Love happens at first sight. Excitement and sexual interest happens at first sight. The thought, "Is he the one?" might swim through your head when you see him, but you can't know it's love until you have endured something, together. I love the "feeling" of a new relationship, but those butterflies aren't love.

You can't rekindle an old flame. "It's over and done; you can't go back." What a lie! That's not to say you should ring up some of your exes one night. However, if you've had a substantial relationship in the past with a guy, there's no reason to think you can't do it again. If you can't stop thinking about him, it might be worth a try.

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