Improve Your Relationship – in Less Than Five Hours a Week!

Anderson Team

"Anderson" guest and relationship expert Dr. John Gottman discovered that couples who attended his workshop and continued to successfully improve their marriage were only devoting an extra five hours a week to their relationship.

Although couples had their own style of spending their extra five hours, some clear patterns emerged. Gottman has coined this approach the Magic Five Hours. Here's how it works.

1. Partings

Make sure that before you say goodbye in the morning, you've learned about one thing that is happening your partner's life that day - from lunch with a childhood friend to an important meeting with the boss or a doctor's appointment.

Time: 2 minutes a day x 5 working days
Total: 10 minutes

2. Reunions

Be sure to engage in a stress-reducing conversation at the end of each workday.

Time: 20 minutes a day x 5 working days
Total: 1 hour 40 minutes

3. Admiration and Appreciation

Find some way every day to communicate genuine affection and appreciation toward your partner.

Time: 5 minutes a day x 7 days
Total: 35 minutes

4. Affection

Kiss, hold, grab, and touch each other during the time you are together. Make sure to kiss before going to sleep. Think of that kiss as a way to let go of any minor irritations that have built up over the day. Lace your kiss with forgiveness and tenderness for your partner.

Time: 5 minutes a day x 7 days
Total: 35 minutes

5. Weekly Date

This can be a relaxing, low-pressure way to stay connected. Ask each other questions that let you update your love maps and turn toward each other. Think of questions to ask your partner like, "Are you still thinking about retiling the bathroom?" "Where should we take our next vacation?" or "How are you feeling about your pesky coworker these days?"

Time: 2 hours once a week
Total: 2 hours

Guest Blogger: J. Fuller (The Gottman Institute Staff)

About The Gottman Relationship Institute:
Co-founded by Drs. John and Julie Schwartz Gottman, the Gottman Relationship Institute has two major functions: helping couples directly, and providing state-of-the-art training to mental health professionals and other health care providers.

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