10 Holiday Party Mood Killers (and How to Fix Them)
By Lauren Matthews
Hosting a holiday fete? With any luck, it'll be the fabulous time you had in mind. But even in the company of family and friends, you could face a minefield of sticky scenarios that threaten your and your guests' enjoyment. We rounded up party guests' most common spirit-dampening stumbles and asked entertaining experts to share their best strategies for getting the gathering back on track. Photo by Thinkstock
1. Someone brings up politics or religion. You may know better than to broach contentious issues at a party, but if your guests' conversation gets out of hand, it's on you to lighten the mood. "Rather than try to transition smoothly to another topic, make a joke out of obviously changing the subject," suggests Cheryl Najafi, author of You're So Invited! Panic Less, Play More and Get Your Party On . "If a political discussion gets heated, I'll lightheartedly ask 'Who wants pie?' or 'How about those Suns?'" Too shy to speak up? "Simply switch the music to something a bit jarring, say a show tune or a well-known Springsteen song," recommends Sarah Brand of SKB Events, an event-planning company in Bellingham, WA. "It'll give everyone something new to talk about while you pull the offenders aside and quietly explain that you prefer a more congenial environment."
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2. Someone criticizes the food or music. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all, right? Some people never learn that critical lesson, and should one pipe up at your party, keep in mind that you can't please everyone all the time. "The last thing you want to do is fan the flame by defending yourself," says Kathy Bertone, author of The Art of the Visit: Being the Perfect Host/Becoming the Perfect Guest. Instead, embrace the situation with a sense of humor. "If someone criticizes the food, playfully offer to make him a sandwich," advises Najafi. "If someone complains about the music, ask what he'd rather listen to-people are eager to pop their iPhones into your iPod dock."
3. Someone shows up uninvited or without RSVPing. Failing to RSVP/arriving with an uninvited plus one could be two of the biggest party guest faux pas. But gracious hosts never make an unexpected visitor feel unwelcome. "While it's rude, it'd be impolite to make a scene," says etiquette expert Diane Gottsman. "As the host, it's your duty to make sure guests have a good time." So roll with the punches: Add one more place setting, with your everyday dishes if need be, and divide up the portions as best you can. Next time, nip MIA RSVPs in the bud. "It's perfectly acceptable to call two or three days before the party and say, 'Just wanted to make sure you've received the invite. With today's postal service you never know!'" says Danielle Rollins, author of Soiree: Entertaining with Style.
4. Someone spills or breaks something. Imagine it: You're chatting away, when out of the corner of your eye you see a guest drop a glass of red wine onto your cream-colored rug. While inside you may be having an anxiety attack, do your best to stay cool and encourage the guest to continue having a good time. "Remain unflappable-never make a guest feel bad because chances are she already feels awful," says Rollins. "With crowds, alcohol and merriment, breaks and spills will likely happen," adds Marley Majcher, owner of The Party Goddess, an event-planning firm in Los Angeles, CA. "Have cleaning products and a small broom and dustpan ready to sweep up messes quickly and quietly." And do some pre-party damage control: Stow away breakable family heirlooms, and consider serving only clear beverages if you're worried about your carpets.
5. Someone drinks too much. For many, the holidays are a time to indulge-and that can lead to drunk guests. "If someone's out of control, take him into another room and politely say that the party is over for him," says Gottsman. "Offer to call that person a cab or have someone sober drive him home." It also helps to make sure cocktail party guests aren't drinking on an empty stomach. "I like passed hors d'oeuvres because people can eat without leaving a conversation to visit the buffet," says Rollins. (No wait staff to pass food? Majcher suggests placing food stations throughout the party space.) "Near the end of the party, serve something heavier, like sliders and fries, to soak up the alcohol," adds Rollins.
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6. You run out of food or drinks. Prevention is the best medicine here. "Pre-empt buffet fail by bringing out food in phases," says Najafi. "It takes about 20 minutes from the time you start eating to when you feel full, so if your guests eat more slowly, they'll get fuller faster." Rollins suggests keeping a few frozen pizzas on hand just in case. "Bake them, slice them and place them on elegant trays-it's not what you serve, but how you serve it." And when it comes to alcohol, always buy more than you think you need. "Many liquor stores will let you return unopened bottles," says Rollins.
7. Someone acts sexually inappropriate with another guest. When you mix cocktails with the merriment of the season, harmless flirtation may ensue. But there's a difference between friendly mistletoe jokes and unwanted advances. "It's not your job to be on hook-up patrol-adults can fend for themselves," says Gottsman. "However, if the act is overt, pull the offender to a private area and say, 'A guest just told me you're making her uncomfortable. I'd appreciate if you'd stay at the other end of the room so she won't get the wrong impression.'" Feel awkward saying something, yourself? Call in reinforcements. "If you think the task is best handled by another guest, like a good friend of the person in question, ask for assistance," suggests Bertone.
8. Someone shows up super-early or won't leave at the end of the event. To avoid early arrivals and late-night lingerers, clearly state the party's start and end times on the invitation. And if that doesn't work, "ask early birds if they'd like to help!" recommends Najafi. "Shower early because you can always mingle with guests while they pitch in preparing the salad, but you probably don't want them hanging out with you in the bathroom." If guests overstay their welcome, drop subtle hints that you're ready for bed. "Graciously thank them for coming, explain that you have lots of holiday shopping to do in the morning and lead them toward the door," says Rollins.
9. Someone brings her kids to an adults-only gathering. "Prevent this situation by stating on the invitation that the party is adults-only," says Bertone. If you've done this, "you're not out of line to remind parents who show up with their children that it's not a child-friendly atmosphere. Ask them nicely to take their kids home, apologizing for the misunderstanding." If you forgot to make a note on the invite, find an out-of-the-way room where minors can hang out (assuming they're old enough not to need constant supervision). "Set up a movie and snacks in another room-chances are they'll amuse themselves," says Najafi. "Or invite them into the party with open arms-you'd be surprised what tweens can add to the night!"
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10. A guest tells a dirty or racist joke. Experts agree it's okay to call out the guest in public and not worry about making him uncomfortable. "I have zero tolerance for racist jokes or comments-I'll speak up in a large group and get the point across that it's unacceptable," says Rollins. Adds Bertone, "As host, you have an obligation to your other guests to make sure everyone is courteous to each other. Nothing ruins a party faster than an obnoxious guest about whom the host does nothing." That said, once you say your piece, don't dwell on the off-color joke. "If someone's behaving badly, don't let it ruin your night-stay calm and carry on," says Brand.
Original article appeared on WomansDay.com.
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