My friends,

A combination of several serious medical problems, including severe sleep apnea, has caused me to have severe sleep deprivation for over ten years. My energy level during this period would have been close to zero had it not been for a significant and disruptive element of mania that kept me going. I simply can not overstate the profoundly debilitating misery of my not being able to get a decent rest.
My sleep deprived condition had an extremely negative effect on my physical and mental health. Additionally, I had serious mental health problems that coincided with my sleep deprivation, thereby making everthing worse. Also, my poverty level circumstances served to considerably magnify the overwhelming stress and high anxiety that afflicts me. What is especially disturbing to me is the unstable and inconsistent nature of my cognition and memory.
Even with these problems, I have accomplished three significant things in the last ten years. I acquired an MEd with an honors academic performance. I did not have a drink in over 18 years. I did not wager on anything in over 31/2 years.
However, what i have failed to achieve for most of my life is a sense of purpose to give meaning to my life. I blame myself and my long-term health problems for this tragedy.
For many years, my strong and unyielding faith in the Almighty Father sustained me.
As always, Godspeed to all.