Aries (March 21 - April 19) With your Internet connection being as slow as it is, it simply doesn't match the speed of your mind. Take the time to upgrade your connection today, and allow your thoughts to move at the velocity of a high-speed cable.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20) Today is a perfect day to lounge on the couch with a coffee table book, dreaming about where you would like to vacation. Though you may be tempted to start looking for airfares, hold off on buying your tickets until you're certain of your desires.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21) This week you may find yourself acutely aware of your surroundings, critiquing every inch of carpet and every framed picture. You let things go unnoticed for so long, it seems that your desire for change may have hit you all at once.
Cancer (June 22 - July 22) With a recent desire to break out of your shell, you may find symbiotic pleasure in breaking a lobster out of its shell. Why not have a lobster bake with a few friends? Its decadent feel can be counterbalanced with newspapers spread out on the table.
Leo (July 23 - August 22) You may have some concerns entering into the grand tree-location project, but trust that the Japanese maple you're moving across town is strong and adaptable. Plant the roots deep in nutrient-rich soil and it will grow larger than ever.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22) Don't just do your usual swab of the counter and kitchen table today. Think about the finer details, getting out your special vinegar spritzer and scrubbing down the visible surfaces, cabinets and yes, even above the cabinets.
Libra (September 23 - October 22) If you look down into your stock pot and realize you have enough food to feed ten people, you better get on the phone and start inviting friends. Sharing the products of your kitchen is one of the most intense pleasures you'll find.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) As you sit on the floor finishing your crossword puzzle this evening, you may notice a slight imperfection on your rug. Whether it's an asymmetrical pattern or simply a string that's been pulled, enjoy the fact that you are probably the only one who will notice.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) At the worst possible moment, perhaps when guests are just arriving, expect the garbage disposal to break down. Though getting it fixed won't be pretty, you can count on your ability to perform minor miracles under pressure.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) Though you may feel most comfortable overseeing a kitchen, you really need to stop micromanaging the marinara sauce. Let your housemate make it his own way, with or without a ladle of starchy pasta water -- you can smirk later when the food is on the table.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) Though the beehive in the northeastern corner of your yard makes you a bit nervous, let the creatures set up shop on your property and go about their business. Disturbing what is already in motion would produce a far worse fate. Better yet, consult an expert.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20) Your multi-tasking skills will be at an all-time high this evening as you grate cheese to stir into a sauce while you're talking on the phone with the gas company. Your special efficiency skills are the one thing that keeps the house fed and the heat on.
Dan Wetzel, Ross Dellenger & SI’s Pat Forde react to the huge performance this weekend by Texas QB Arch Manning, Michigan and Notre Dame's spring games, Jaden Rashada entering the transfer portal, and more
