5 Bad Habits Women Have In Bed

1. Biting in all the wrong places: ear, yes; nipple, sometimes; pleasure-rod, NEVER.

2. Porn noises: Please no more of the too-loud fake-cheerleader "Yeah, yeah"s in that whiny high-pitched voice, ok? There's no guy in the room with a handheld, and this isn't going up on redtube.

3. Reckless when on top: Love that you're getting that into it, but please don't let me slip out as your body's about to crash down. Imagine jamming your finger against a brick.

4. No sense of rhythm: The absolute worst way to disrupt good sex is a loss or lack of rhythm- especially in those positions that demand it. So don't be that girl who's flailing around sporadically, or (worse) just laying there motionless [Ed.: Starfishing!], or we'll never get something good going.

5. Non-sex-related conversation: I'm only half-listening to ANYthing you're saying while we're slamming, so please don't ask me something random like, "Does this mean we're getting back together?" I promise you I'll say yes, and later we'll fight about it.