Confessions Of a Serial Monogamist And Surviving a Man Diet

I was out with a male friend recently, and as I told him the stories of my brief relationships with men, he laughed and called me a "serial monogamist." I'd heard that phrase before, but suddenly it dawned on me that it was a true description of my behavior. Apparently, soon after meeting a guy that shows me a little attention, I take on the martyr role, and date him exclusively-- believing that somehow I'll win bonus points for being so faithful.

When I was dating a man that I had been messaging for months, I fell quickly into the serial monogamist mode. In fact, I'd fallen for him already (even before meeting him in person) from his lovely, heart-felt, caring messages. We'd been on one date where he showed up with a picnic for us in the park, and I commented, "this is the best sandwich I've had in my life!" I became starry-eyed, thinking about how this was the first man who ever made me a sandwich. Silly? Yes, but being the caregiver for the most part of my life, and just coming out of a marriage from a needy man, it was a sign that there are kind men out there, and I was lucky enough to meet one.

But then after about three magical dates, and undergoing highs and lows like a see-saw, my delightful sandwich expert decided he was going to give his ex another chance at love. Oh, how devastating it was, especially since my friend was trying to warn me not to fall so quickly for him. She told me not to "put all of my eggs in one basket." This comment came after I told her about a smoking hot guy that was checking me out in a store, and I wouldn't dare look at him. I was already "nesting" by assuming that showing my faithfulness to one guy at a time will reward me somehow. Meanwhile, the guy I was dating was still communicating with his ex-girlfriend. You see how foolish this was?

So after a couple of short-lived flings with men I've dated, and being left in a state of confusion (what did I do wrong to scare them away??), I decided that I had to go on a "man diet" until my head returned to the proper position on my shoulders. I'm still working on finding out ways of avoiding my mistakes in the future, but avoiding the object (men) that messes with my head is the first step. It's difficult to say the least-- who doesn't like having a warm body to indulge in, and kiss lovingly every now and again? But I must do it to help myself (the person that I've neglected the most up until now).

When we become whole, independent and strong on our own, then we can better judge our own feelings about someone (or at least that's my hope). I admit that being romantically involved with a guy is a nice change from the stresses of life (and I've had the most difficult year recently). Truth be told: you can put a bandaid over a cut to the juggular, but eventually, the bleeding will continue, and has to be properly tended to. Love/infatuation is a cheap fix for a moment of weakness. I've recently felt the elation of achieving small victories in my career goals. The joy was very similar to that of falling in love. Maybe it's what we feel when we start to "love ourselves." Either way, I'm on the right path-- I can just feel it.

Sorry guys: you'll just have to wait until I'm ready. But I'm guessing I'll be a silly, naive monogamist all over again. But I'll remember to keep my eyes open, and avoid the guilty feeling of flirting a bit. Until you are in a fully committed relationship, putting a few other eggs in your basket is totally acceptable. Lesson learned.

Any other serial monogamists out there who want to share their story? Anyone else on a man diet? What is the good and bad of avoiding temptation? Success stories are especially welcome!