Confessions of commitment phobia

I have no room for another disappointment or failed relationship
I find that i feel more secure in the feelings of seduction, lust , passion
when i sense that it's getting serious my mind freaks out
and i start to over analyze the person
getting scared of the what if's
or deception
I find reasons or pick at their flaws
so that i give myself space from that person
it's not easy to let myself be loved
it's easier to be wanted
do you blame me: my first marriage was domestic violence, mental abuse, verbal abuse
then when leaving that unhealthy situation
I found myself meeting someone that i thought was normal
only to finding out that they lived a secret meth life
8 yrs with him that went no where
I know to that it's in our choices who we choose to invite into our lives however
I find myself asking could i let someone love me
or would i rather play it safe and block my emotions and feelings
I want to be loved by the right person someday i just don't know who that is
it's like must you have them give you a background check along with references?