My Life is Going Straight to the Pits of Hell and Cant Stop It

My life has changed for me. I was miss. Bright girl and now I'm goth/punk. What has happened to me? Have i changed completely? I started to hurt myself mot by drawing blood just using a dull blade that will hurt me enough to leave a red mark. My mind has gone completely gone. When i speak its like the devil is speaking. I do things i don't even want to do or ever wanted to do like hurting myself. The one thing that hasn't changed for me is my friends at school. They haven't left me. Some have left but i made new friends and they don't care what i look like or dress like they care on what is on the inside. There is something that is taking control of me and i can't stop it! I need to get some help! I'm 14 about to be 15 and my parents don't like how i am acting to them. I want a party for my birthday. But the more and more I act up the more and more I doubt myself on having a birthday party that I want. I have a fiance and he is a state away we havn't seen each other for a while. He said he is going to try his best to come to see me on my birthday but i've been having doubts on that too. I want to feel in control over what I say so then I get to do what I want to do.But that isn't happening the way i want it to. I want my life to go back up. I was doing good for a while but then i down graded and now going down hill. I feel like my life is going toward what im suppost to like my destiny but I want it go better than were its headed. I have no clue of where i'm headed but I'm not liking how i am getting there. If it is something good and great at the bottom of the hill how long will it take. Or will i hit a slide and go faster down or find a ladder and head to the top of the hill again. We will have to wait and see wont we?
TO BE CONTINUED...