I have had so many thoughts left in my head. I want to share to everyone who is reading this I am a firm believer in our Lord Jesus Christ who saved us all on the cross that day. Knowing that Jesus already took care of my sin, saved me from my shame, I still hold guilt of what happened earlier this year. I can only share the readers digest verson since the trial hasn't happened yet. January 25th is when God started to wake me up. Don't get me wrong No I don't blame God for what happened I made my own decisions and choices that led to the consquences in which I have endured. Back to my narrative story . January 25th I went and ran errands and left my 6 year old and 5 year old daughter with my husband (who was their step father) I had a gut feeling that I needed to take them with me, but my husband said no my 6 year old needed to do her homework. I knew this was true so I agreed still feeling this sick feeling in my stomache that I needed to take them with me. I got a phone call an hour or so later, from my husband saying something happened to my 6 year old. I wanted to take her to the ER but he said no we are out gas and dad has our money, I felt lost, I felt confused didn't know what to do, what I should have done was called 911. So the next day I took her to the doctor, he said it was just a scratch, in her female private. I believed him since he is a doctor afterall. a day later was her 7th birthday and we went out celebrated, feeling as though we should stay home because she didn't seem ok. But we took her out anyways because I promised her. The next morning she woke up feeling sick to her stomach crying, pale and bleeding bad from her private area. I put my foot down and she no we need to go to the ER, So we took her to the childrens hospital, and it turns out she needed surgery and had a laceration as if she gave birth. I was 8 months pregnant at the time which I forgot to mention earlier, and I was feeling so confuesed, and shock. Shock that I married a man that would hurt my baby, shock that I left them with him. I didn't know I was leaving my baby girls with a sick man. So they were but in protective custody that night, I couldn't even go to my daughter when she woke up from surgery I didn't know what was going on, none of the hospital staff would talk to me. So I called her biological father who I was married to for 6 1/2 years, and I had to finally tell him (which I wanted to when it first happened but my husband wouldn't let me have my cell phone). if I wouldn't have called him and told him to rush to the hospital, my daughters would have gone to foster care. So my babies who I have raised until this point were taken from me, I promised them I would protect them, that mommy would always always be there. I almost lost my 7 year old daughter (remember she had her birthday in the middle of all this). I went with my husband because I didn't know where else to go, I didn't know there were DV shelters, or shelters to help pregnant women. I only knew the southern baptist teaching submit to your husband no matter what. Well Ladies let me tell you read the verses around that one Ephesians 5:24"Now as the church submits to Christ so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything, verse 25 Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." So I wasn't taught that part that says us wives don't have to submit to our husbands if they don't respect God and submit to HIm, and respect his wife. Anyways now because stayed with my husband March 6th 4 days after my baby girl was born on March 2nd of this year 2012 the state took my baby girl away. They saw me as not safe because I couldn't recognize a dangerous person even as he is sitting right in front of me and sleeping next to me at night. Well I don't know if you know much about Domestic Violence but once a person is in a domestic violence relationship it is hard to see the DV and get out of the situation. Thankfully for me God had a plan to save me and my daughters, my husband was arrested, and I began my journey of recovery. When my baby was taken I literally fell face down on the floor of the hotel we were living in. I yelled to God what do I do God How do I get my daughters back I need my daughters and they need me. Well I felt as if God told me get up and call your sister in law.My Sister in law came and picked me up and I told her she could call CPS and get my baby and have her live with her well usually situations like this it takes a couple of days for the process that CPS has to take for the child to stay with relatives to go through. So my baby girl was suppose to go to foster parents but since she is so beautiful and cute they kept her in the office and my sister and brother in law managed to get their background checks gone throw and come back clean and their house inspected the same day. On top of thatmy baby was placed in their home. Okay I know yes I wanted her with me but the blessing of her going to my sister in law since she couldn't go with me is I got to go over to my sister in laws house as much as I wanted as long as she could stand to have me there. She helped me a lot through my recovery. She always had worship music on when I went to visit my baby girl. She prayed over me and my baby for our reunification. I saw hope I still see hope that God isn't done with me yet. June 8th 2012 my Baby was given back to me, I admitted that I have a problem with codependecy and I was in the wrong to stay with my husband who is a dangerous man. I realize I should have gone with my guy instinct God is helping me by putting great strong christian women in my life to trust my gut instince again. My daughter is attached to me as if we weren't separated for four months. I go and visit my older two girls and we have so much fun. I have hope that I'll be able to have them in my home again someday and that day is very soon. I was inspired to write this blog about what my God our God, God of Abraham has done for me this year because at work today I had someone complain about her husband loosing his job over and over again, being in a room full of happy toddlers, and debt she can't seem to pay off. She asked me how many children I have I told her and she respond man its hard how do you manage to keep food on the table and clothes on their backs. She went on and on about America's economy. I got fed up and I said I have been through a lot this year. I have finally learned that God really does provide if you life Him up higher and higher and trust in HIm. Give all your worries and anxiety to HIm. If I can manage to go from being homeless to finding my own apartment a great home church, get reuinted with my baby, and have CPS say I am a great mom. Then God can provide warmth for the cold, food for the hungry, wealth for the poverty. I don't have money for clothes but because of where I am living God provides. I get clothes without having to worry about them. I get food, I don't have to worry about finances because everytime I do and I give to the Lord, He provides. So Jesus died on the cross because of the sins that I have commited this year, the horrible sin my husband commited so we can go to heaven and meet His Father. Don't you see if you love Jesus and trust in HIm He always provide. He gave me the gift of freedom this year. He gave me a second chance of being a mommy.He is restoring my heart more and more everyday and making me stronger. I didn't even plan on this blog being a preachy blog, That was God, because I invited Him into this blog.
I plan on updating this blog everyday it is a way for me to vent and get out the stress.

God Bless each and every one of you,
Kay Frances