Straight Talk: How do I introduce my gay and lesbian friends?

Q: I'm not quite clear when to mention in a social situation that someone is gay. When I'm introducing straight friends to gay or lesbian friends, should I announce it then? And what exactly should I say?

A: There's really no need to bring up someone's sexuality when you're making a basic introduction. Present an LGBT friend to others just as you would a straight friend. No secret gay handshake, no winking, no nothing.

Try this, for instance: "Julie, I'd like you to meet my good friend Rick. Rick, this is Julie." It always helps to give some additional information - especially if it's something they have in common to help jump start their conversation. Things like: "You're both served in the military" or "Haven't you each rented at the shore?" But, it's neither "my good gay friend, Rick" nor "Rick, who is gay." That's just too much information too soon. Also, it's really not for you to out a friend to others. Perhaps "Rick" is only out in certain circumstances, say with his close friends but not at work.

Mentioning Rick's sexuality would only make sense if the three of you happen to get into a conversation where the subject fits naturally (and you're sure he's out). Let's say you're chatting about money issues, for instance. You might say, "Julie, Rick is a financial planner. He works at Christopher Street Financial, a gay-owned firm." Presumably, Julie can then figure out the rest on her own. (Not that everyone who works for an LGBT company is necessarily gay.)

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