There's No Right Way To Be A Mom

Mothers today face myriad choices about just what kind of mom they want to be. The best part? There's no right (or wrong) answer.

By Carol Hymowitz

There was a time, not so many years ago, when women mulling their hopes for a career and a family faced a stark choice. The rule was select one or the other but don't try to have both and certainly not at the same time. Those who chose career over motherhood were considered weird for not following the cookie-cutter precedent that their mothers and mother's mothers had established.

That rule is now as antiquated as typewriters and rotary telephones.

Today's women now face many options when deciding whether and how they want to be mothers. But the price of this increased freedom for women, in fact, is a dizzying array of decisions: Is it kids this year or next year or never? Should career come before kids in the timeline? Or kids before career? If a woman is single, should she try to conceive through artificial insemination? Does she want to be a single parent?
Should she rush back to work because face time is crucial to becoming a vice president or partner, or drop out for a few months or years while her kids are young? Or should she ask her husband to quit his job and be Mr. Mom while she competes on the fast track?

Power Women, Power Moms

And of course, for many women, becoming a mother may not have anything to do with pregnancy and childbirth at all: It may come in the form of adoption--which typically takes years and is expensive or it may come in the form of step-children, who are assimilated into a family through marriage.

One thing is clear: Just as success comes in numerous styles--and it's up to each woman to design her own career--there isn't one road map anymore for motherhood. The old rules for being a "good mother" no longer apply. Instead of a single standard of perfection, each woman must find her own approach.
For some women being a good mom means staying home full time to raise children, while for others it means globetrotting to do business deals and being a career role model for kids. For decades now, well-known women have set new precedents by charting their own courses.

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, for instance, pioneered with her husband the model of co-parenting more than 50 years ago. The Ginsburgs were both law school students when their first child, a daughter, was born--and they shared child care and household duties--essentially unheard of at the time. This partnership continued when they had a second child, a son, and both had full-time jobs. And it was Martin Ginsburg, not Ruth who did all the cooking.

Keep reading about modern motherhood.

See the Power Moms of today:

Sandra Bullock
Actress, 45, 1 child
She's a member of the exclusive Forbes Celebrity 100 and the reason why The Blind Side was the first film to earn $200-million plus with only one top-billed female star, netting her an Oscar in the process. Despite it all--including multiple infidelity reports about her husband, Jesse James--Bullock seems delightfully grounded. And now she is a first-time mom, adopting 4-month-old Louis Bullock as a single parent.

Kim Clijsters
Tennis Champion, 26, 1 child
One lesson you can draw from Kim Clijsters' win at the U.S. Open last summer is just how far determination will get you. After retiring in 2007, she baby-stepped back into the circuit to a remarkable victory. She is a different woman on the court--and off. "We tried to plan her nap time a little bit later so she could be here today," a teary Clijsters told the crowd as she held her then 18-month-old daughter. "It's the greatest feeling in the world, being a mother."

Hillary Clinton
Secretary of State, 62, 1 child
The former First Lady sparked criticism when she said she didn't want to "stay home and bake cookies." She also carefully sought to shield her young daughter Chelsea from public scrutiny. Only when Chelsea herself became a professional did Clinton call on her advice and guidance on the campaign trail.


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See also:

Make Mom Smile This Mother's Day

Eight Great 'Experience Gifts' For Mom

Lessons From Our Mothers