Why the Super Bowl is really bad for women
Now that women openly like football, should they? In the last two years, female viewership of Sunday Night Football has increased by 23 percent and the NFL launched a line of products to accommodate their growing femme fan-base. Thanks, NFL!
Now if only they could limit the amount of sexual assault allegations a player can accrue on game day. Ever notice how all those laws and social pacts we agreed on make a defiant in-you-face comeback during Super Bowl Sunday? In case you didn't, here'sa point-by-point argument of why the big game is bad news for females.
Argument #1 : It's the one night of the year when our chests fight for attention. No matter how well lady judges, detectives and anchorwomen rate on primetime, the Super Bowl still thinks a 19-year-old in a bikini is the only way to keep an audience attentive. Interspersed with homo-erotic tackling are hours of boobs, boobs, boobs. Remember the Janet Jackson "wardrobe malfunction"? Of course you do, it's gotten more airtime than the game itself. This year we've got Christina Aguilera as half-time performer, a lady who doesn't shy from wearing a teddy as a sign of female empowerment. And expect the commercial line-up to include two GoDaddy.com spots with semi-nude females and a PETA commercial where models suck on vegetables suggestively. But hey, a little sexism peppered with tackle-sports, never hurt anyone, right? Next slide.
Argument #2: "The Super Bowl is a magnet for child sex traffickers." That's a direct quote from Texas attorney General Greg Abbott. He's expecting such a spike in young girls being sold as sex slaves during game day, he's organized a task force in the Dallas area to combat it. "People are thinking of the Packers and the Steelers and the game on the field, having a good time and Super Bowl commercials. "Most don't think about a 12-year-old being forced to dance naked," Abbott bluntly told ABC News. In 2009, two pimps were arrested after they advertised a 14-year-old girl as a "Super Bowl Special." At last year's event in Miami, child advocacy programs reported four times as many underage female sex workers on the streets. And one man was charged with bringing a 14-year-old to the area to sell her to tourists. Now Abbott's task force is trolling sites like Craigslist for leads. A cursory look at Dallas' personals section shows no shortage of requests: "I'm looking for a few ladies with talent for Super Bowl week, I'll have some high rollers down that are gonna want to party and have real fun." Another offers a ticket saying "The seats are good enough that we might be on TV and I want someone hot sitting next to me."
Argument #3: A little sexual assault accusation never kept a Super Bowl star from the game. Not every football star comes with a shady past, but at least two this year have battled accusations of sexual assault. The Steelers' Ben Roethlisberger not long ago faced a disturbing accusation of assault that ended in suspension from a few games, though not the Super Bowl of course. And The Packers' Brandon Underwood is under investigation after two women accused him and a few of his teammates of forced sexual assault. Sadly, these reports are hardly breaking news in the NFL. Just this week, former Dallas Cowboys player Michael Irvin settled a sexual assault claim filed last year during the big game.
Argument #4: Violence against women has less credibility on game day. In 1993, findings of an increase in domestic violence on Super Bowl Sunday were debunked and we're never allowed to forget it. Dubbed "the great Super Bowl hoax," a misquoted statistic has become an annual excuse to deflate any negative female-related news about the game. While some ER doctors still warn of game day exacerbating a violent household, the notion has been discredited along with the theory about massive avocado consumption.
Argument #5: The Super Bowl reaches into our chests and stops our hearts. Seriously. The journal of Clinical Cardiology published findings this week about how Super Bowl-related stress may raise blood pressure and possibly trigger heart attacks. After a particularly heated game in 1980, researchers noted a higher rate of deaths in women than men.
Argument #6: Pigskin is really woman skin. Okay, not really. But would you believe, metaphorically?
Related:
10 super tacky Super Bowl products
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10 funniest Super Bowl commercials
10 healthy game day snacks
