Blog Posts by Care2 Healthy Living

  • 5 Ways to Rebuild Trust After It's Broken

    Once trust has been lost, what can we do to get it back?By Dr. Bill Cloke, Care2 Healthy Living

    "I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you." - Friedrich Nietzsche

    Laurie and Frank were high school sweethearts. They married young because Laurie became pregnant and, being Catholic, any other choice was out of the question, so he decided to do the right thing. It wasn't that he didn't love her-he did, but as with all things high school and unfinished, over time, Frank longed for his lost youth. You can see where this is going and it's not good. Laurie worked full-time to put Frank through college and law school. He worked long hours and she stayed home with the kids. As his success rose, they began to lead separate lives. He and his buddies would routinely frequent strip clubs after work and occasionally bust out for a Vegas trip which inevitably did not stay in there. One night after Frank arrived home drunk and passed out on the sofa, Laurie came across text messages from one of the girls

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  • 6 Public Proposal Dos & Don'ts

    Don't want your proposal to end like this? Heed this advice.By Diana Vilibert, Care2 Healthy Living

    Thinking of proposing in front of a few dozen, hundred, or thousand unsuspecting strangers? There's a not-so-fine line between romantic and horrifying. Actually, three not-so-fine lines. Watch and learn from these public proposals, plus our dos and don'ts of popping the question in public:


    Example #1: Proposing at a sporting event (See the video here)

    Don't do it if you're not sure what the answer will be.

    Do discuss the future of your relationship in the privacy of your own home. If you're going to propose on the JumboTron like this guy, at least make sure you've floated the whole marriage idea to your significant other before getting down on one knee. Getting married is a mutual decision. The proposal should not be the first time your significant other finds out you're thinking about marriage.

    Example #2: Proposing on an airplane (See the video here)

    Don't trap them. Figuratively or literally, such as

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  • Are Only 17% of Marriages Happy?

    Are most marriages unhappy?By Diana Vilibert, Care2 Healthy Living

    We've all heard the oft-repeated statistic that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, but what about the couples that stay together? It's not looking too good, according to author Dana Adam Shapiro. In an interview with Buzzfeed.com, he breaks it down: "I think 17% of marriages are happy. Fifty percent of marriages end, and of marriages that stay together, I think a third are happy, a third are happy enough, and a third are unhappy."

    For his newly published book, You Can Be Right (Or You Can Be Married), Shapiro talked to men and women all over the country about the ends of their marriages-and he learned plenty about love in the process. Shapiro tells Buzzfeed he's more optimistic about marriage after having finished the book than when he began writing it. "I came out with a more realistic expectation of what marriage should be - not a lowering of expectations, but a more grounded view of what love is and the work it takes to make

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  • Is TV Romance Bad for Your Relationship?

    Comparing your relationship to TV couples?
    By Diana Vilibert, Care2 Healthy Living

    You spend your evening watching The Notebook (again). You swoon over Ryan Gosling's various bearded states. You ugly-cry through most of it. You fantasize about having your own big romance. And then your husband gets home, leaves his dirty socks in the middle of the room, and spends the next few hours scratching his balls on the couch. You wear a muumuu to bed and have erotic dreams about hiring a divorce lawyer.

    Step away from the television.

    If you find yourself comparing your relationship and partner to movie and TV romance, it might be time to take a little break… from the TV, not your relationship. A recent study found that the more one believes in the portrayals of romance in movies and on television shows, the less likely they are to be committed to their actual relationship.

    The study surveyed 392 married people about their belief in the portrayal of romantic relationships in TV shows and movies, their viewing frequency,

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  • 4 Love Lessons from My Cat

    Jake has taught me a lot about love.
    By Dr. Bill Cloke, Care2 Healthy Living

    It's 5:30 AM and I am awakened by the swift moving thud of paws walking over my body to get to my side. Jake is purring like a '57 Chevy on steroids. As he thumps down next to me with his back up against my stomach, I instantly know what he is up to. He is looking for affection and he wants it bad. His passion is absolute and unremitting. He rubs his nose into my hand like he is transposing my scent into his body by making it somehow his own. He whips his head back when I pet him to magnify the touch of my hand on his head. With supreme trust and total abandon he lays his neck open for me to rub it. It's the kind of surrender that touches me, an act of total exposure of the most vulnerable area of his body. Sometimes I wonder why he is so attached to me. I am bowled over by his determined openness. I wish we were all more like him. Our world is too often indifferent, even cold. Our relationships quickly become stale if we don't take an active

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  • Emotional Space: Do You or Your Partner Need More?

    Do you need more space?By Shubhra Krishan, Care2 Healthy Living

    Let me begin with the beautiful words of Kahlil Gibran, in The Prophet, on Marriage:

    Let there be spaces in your togetherness

    …And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
    Love one another but make not a bond of love:
    Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
    Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
    Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
    Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
    Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
    Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
    For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
    And stand together, yet not too near together:
    For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
    And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

    All romantic relationships kick off with a natural desire to be together

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  • Is it "Desperate" to Be Proactive About Your Love Life?

    Is putting yourself out there desperate?By Liz Dawn Donahue, Care2 Healthy Living

    Is putting yourself out there in the world and making a conscious effort to look for a life partner being desperate? Unfortunately, that is the perception sometimes, although not in my book. It seems that if you choose to do something out of the norm, like going to a conference or an event that would attract either men or women for the sole purpose of putting yourself out there to meet someone is taboo. I strongly disagree!

    Since when was going after what you wanted considered desperate? It takes a tremendous amount of courage to stand up in our world of being independent and state that you are ready to find love in your life. I am talking about doing this from a strong, centered place of knowing who you are and having the desire to share your life with someone. There are far too many critics out there who are jaded from their own experiences that label this as "desperate." And, if you are a little desperate, what is wrong with that?

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  • Marriage Advice from 1933

    October 1933, Reading Eagle.By Diana Vilibert, Care2 Healthy Living

    Living happily ever after? Researchers thought they had the secret in 1933. We stumbled upon this October 1933 issue of Reading Eagle newspaper, reporting on a University of Chicago survey that gathered information on happiness in marriage. Among the findings:

    • The longer the courtship, the better the chances for lifelong married happiness
    • …but only within the period of one year (this was 1933, after all!)
    • But don't jump the gun, either. For every three months less than a year, the chances of married happiness diminish by 30 percent.
    • Father knows best when it comes to advice on a prospective partner-those who take Dad's advice will be happier than if they ignore it.
    • Ignore Mom-things don't work out so well when taking her advice, according to the article. (No word on whether those about to be married should think about what they themselves want).

    What do you think-are there nuggets of wisdom in this advice from 1933,

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  • Why Lying is Bad for You

    Does lying have negative effects on our health?By Diana Vilibert, Care2 Healthy Living

    If asked, most of us would probably say that lying is bad. Many of us may even claim that we never, or hardly ever, lie. And to that I say: you're lying! Studies have found that most people tell an average of 11 lies a week-it sounds like a high number, but just think of the last time you blamed imaginary traffic when you were late. Or the last time you told a friend you loved her haircut even though you secretly think it looks like a weird wig. Or the last time you turned down an invite because you couldn't get a babysitter (never mind that you don't have a babysitter, because it would be weird to get one for your houseplants). Those little white lies add up… and they're taking a toll on your relationships and your health.

    A new study put the adage "honesty is the best policy" to the test recently, when Notre Dame psychology professor Anita Kelly spent 10 weeks tracking 110 adults. Half of them were were told to report the number of lies

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  • How Conflict Can Create Love

    Can conflict bring you closer?By Dr. Bill Cloke, Care2 Healthy Living

    We fade in on a couple sitting quietly at Sunday morning breakfast. Suddenly, a seemingly innocuous comment swiftly shifts the peaceful mood into prodigious conflict.

    She: Could you be more careful when you take out the trash? Yesterday you left a total mess.

    He: (stung) Well, excuse me. I didn't know I was getting the white-glove test.

    She: (annoyed by his tone): I don't see how you could have missed it. Are you blind?

    He: I just can't win. Whatever I do, it's never good enough for you.

    She: Well, if you would just open your eyes and pay attention to what you were doing, then I wouldn't have to say anything.

    He: There you go, blaming me again. You are such a control freak.

    So it goes until they either start yelling or stop talking altogether. All couples experience conflict-but conflict can either break their connection or be the basis for deeper intimacy. Imagine the same conflict expressed in a different way:

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