Blog Posts by GoodInBed.com

  • Who Believes in Soulmates Anymore, Anyway?

    In a world of technological advance where we have as much access to people across the world as we do across the coffee shop, where romantic options are presented to us online as often as they are in person, it makes me wonder how someone could possibly still believe that there is one person made for every one person. The ever-elusive soulmate.

    Ok, so maybe people can have multiple soulmates. Maybe there is more than one person out there made for each person. But still, the notion that someone is "made" for someone else is a little lost on me. As a realist (or, as some may say, a pessimist), I find it hard to believe that through all of the decoding of text messages, tweets, facebook pokes, and google stalking that seem to go into dating these days, even if two people were "soulmates", how would they ever know it after all of that?

    Well, apparently I'm the minority.

    In a recent survey we conducted here at Good in Bed, we surveyed 2,321 individuals and asked them the question: "To

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  • Attitudes Toward Monogamy

    Our most recent Good in Bed Survey (conducted with the support of K-Y Brand) examined attitudes toward monogamy. I was really excited to create this survey and even more excited to analyze the data on a topic so relevant and interesting.

    You may recall, in the summer of 2011, an article in the New York Times that got a lot of publicity (good and bad) on the virtues of infidelity. In this article, written by Mark Oppenheimer, Dan Savage discussed the downsides of treating monogamy as the main indicator of success in marriage. Savage noted that qualities such as honesty or humor should be replaced as an indicator of success to avoid the unrealistic expectations that using monogamy as the marker provides. If you want to check out more of Savage's take on monogamy, there are videos, blog entries, and podcasts, just to name a few.

    Despite all of this hype around monogamy, I couldn't seem to find very many recent scientific studies that examined attitudes toward monogamy, especially among

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  • Gender Differences in Getting Sexually Adventurous

    In our survey on sexual adventurousness of 3100 people (1731 men and 1369 women), we found that women engaged in significantly more sexually adventurous behaviors than men. I thought this was a really interesting finding considering how much women are constructed to be the member of a heterosexual couple with lower sexual desire, and constructed to be less sexual than their male counterparts. So I'd like to take this post to break down the gender differences by each activity we assessed using chi square tests, which are used to statistically test the difference between two groups (here, men and women) on a particular variable of interest (here, whether they engaged in each sexual behavior or not).

    First though, I think it is important to break down how we defined "sexually adventurous" - we started with a very long list of a number of behaviors that were on the outskirts of what one might refer to as "vanilla sex". Then this list was reviewed by a panel of experts and a panel of

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  • Some Survey-Based Suggestions to Boosting Satisfaction in Your Relationship

    One of the most sought after outcomes in romantic relationships is satisfaction. Sexual satisfaction, relationship satisfaction, overall satisfaction...it is all desired. So how do we boost our chances of being sexually and relationally satisfied?

    Since the majority of the research I do involves figuring out ways to maintain or promote couple's well-being, a lot of my research focuses in on this concept of satisfaction. With all of the surveys we conduct here at Good in Bed, I am always sure to incorporate a measure of satisfaction. Therefore, I'd like to take this opportunity to outline some of the findings from each of our surveys in ways that can be applied for increasing satisfaction in relationships.
    Online Survey
    Here are four ways to try and improve the satisfaction in your relationship, based on our survey findings:

    1. Combat Boredom
    In our survey of 3,341 individuals who were in a relationship at the time of data collection (1,418 men and 1,923 women), we assessed relationship boredom

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  • Why You Shouldn't Focus on Simultaneous Orgasm

    I recently received an email from a reader who was concerned that he wasn't able to have an orgasm at the same time as his partner. Frustration was the primary theme in the email. And we all know what frustration during sex can do for orgasm - certainly not create the fireworks we see in this orgasm roller coaster picture.
    Orgasm Roller Coaster
    We are bombarded with images of what an orgasm should be like in the media. The two examples that stick out in my mind are HBO's Sex and the City and True Blood. Whenever there is a sex scene (if you've seen these shows, you know sex scenes are frequent), simultaneous orgasm is almost a guarantee. The only time it isn't, is if the focus is on some sort of 'problem' under the sheets. As if not coming simultaneously should signal trouble.

    In our GIB survey on orgasm, we found that simultaneous orgasm isn't much of a regular occurrence, with 13% of men and 11% of women reporting that they often experience simultaneous orgasm, and 2% of men and 1% of women reporting

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  • When Does Sexual and Relationship Boredom Begin?

    I've been looking again at the data we collected from 1418 men and 1923 women on how relationship boredom interferes with relationships both sexually and non-sexually. We found a lot of interesting information, and you can check out the full report here.

    The purpose of collecting that data was to further understand relationship boredom within the context of committed relationships. We found that 25% of the sample felt bored in their relationship, with an additional 25% on the brink of boredom.

    While that information is interesting, I have been immersed in the love literature lately for my dissertation. So another finding from this study is of particular interest to me right now. I checked out what point in the relationship boredom most often occurred, and the most common was between year one and year three.

    What is most interesting about this timeline is that in the love and attachment literature, the two year plus or minus six month point n a relationship is where passionate love

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  • Date Night: Keeping the Spark Alive

    Holiday gingerbread menIn the spirit of the holiday season, I found myself watching Four Christmases, a holiday movie that features a young couple who focus on doing activities together, going on regular dates, and who avoid the holidays with family like the plague by instead getting away from it all on an exotic vacation.

    At Good in Bed, our last survey was about how the holidays impact sex and relationships. The characters in Four Christmases, played by Reece Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn, reminded me of some of our findings from that survey, when their relationship fell apart when their plans for vacation on the holidays were replaced by attending four different family functions for the holidays. In our survey, the winter holidays (e.g., Hanukkah, Christmas, etc.) were ranked third place in holidays that negatively interfere with the relationship, behind Halloween and Thanksgiving. Although individuals reported that the holidays can certainly be stressful, the winter holidays, such as Christmas or

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  • Boredom: the #1 Relationship Threat

    Does your relationship lack a certain luster it once had? Do you find yourself yearning for the butterflies that accompanied the early days, when you were still getting to know one another on an intimate level? Well, if you do, you aren't alone.

    In a recent Good in Bed Research survey of 3,341 people (1418 men; 1923 women) in monogamous relationships, we found that a quarter of the sample indicated they were bored in their current relationship. Beyond that, another 25% of respondents reported being on the brink of becoming bored. Although 25% of the sample indicated they felt bored in their relationship overall, when asked how often they felt bored, 37% indicated they felt bored at least once a week, with 16.8% indicating they felt bored almost every day or every day.

    Boredom can have a pretty negative impact on your relationship and for about 40% of respondents, this wasn't the first relationship they've felt bored in. In our sample, 20% of the respondents had been unfaithful to

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  • 6 Reasons Why You Should Take A Second Look At The Kama Sutra Manual

    Not enjoying sex as much as you feel you should? It could be that you haven't yet discovered the best position (or positions) for providing the both of you with maximum pleasure. While the missionary position is nice, there is a world of alternative bodily arrangements out there. For some of the best, the folks at Good in Bed turning to the Kama Sutra.

    The Kama Sutra is an ancient Hindu love manual. It was once considered valuable for its psychological insights on love and relationships, though most people today know it primarily as a how-to text on sexual behavior. In reality, only one section of the book -- out of seven -- focuses on sexual intercourse.

    Still, it's a valuable section (especially for our purposes) and it's where you should turn when considering alternative sexual positions.

    The best way to go about this is to flip through your new book together, and bookmark the positions you find most intriguing. It's all about personal preference, but one of my faves is a

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  • How Does Boredom Impact Your Relationship?

    Do you remember the days when you could look across a room at your partner, exchange a flirtatious stare, and be so excited for the rest of your night just to get home with them? Or do you remember when you used to laugh hysterically at your partner's terrible jokes?

    What happened to those days? Do you feel like your relationship is experiencing a drought?

    At Good in Bed, we often receive complaints from couples who express being bored in their relationships. In the context of long-term monogamous relationships, it can be difficult to keep things exciting all the time. But if you feel like you're in a drought, it is time to splash some water on your relationship before it dies. One way you can do that is by contributing to our knowledge about boredom in relationships!

    How can you contribute to our knowledge about boredom in relationships?

    At Good in Bed Research, we are constantly trying to further understand sexuality and relationships in a scientifically sound way. Our first Good

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