Blog Posts by Rich Santos, Marie Claire

  • 8 Types of Guys that Won't Commit

    Couple fightingCouple fightingTrying to get men to commit is an age-old riddle in the female mind. Here are a few "types" that will be tough to get into the commitment fold. Hopefully, you can spot one of these early on in the relationship:

    1. The Narcissist

    Beware of the guy who talks about himself too much, looks too perfect and works on building his image superficially. He won't commit to you because he's too committed to himself.

    2. The Middle School Boy

    Let's get this out in the open (as if you didn't already know): Guys never truly grow up. We act mature, which takes energy and discipline. But some guys can't hide their childishness. It takes a certain amount of maturity to get to the point of commitment, so don't hold your breath if you're dating a guy afflicted with chronic immaturity.

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    3. The Scatter Brain

    This guy just can't get his, um, stuff together. As a result, he's constantly trying to make ends meet, and always feeling

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  • 8 Texting Mistakes Men Make

    Apple iPhone 4SApple iPhone 4SA friend of mine recently went out with a guy, Sam. They had a good time, smooched a little, and went their separate ways for the night. So, the seed was planted for a second date at the very least.

    But Sam's mistakes turned a promising situation into a bad one very quickly. You can find a list of his infractions below. Let me know which one (or more) is a deal breaker for you:

    4 First-Date Conversation Rules

    1. General Psycho Behavior

    Allison woke up Sunday morning to a 7:30 "Good Morning Beautiful" text. Unless he was up at 5AM, it looked like Sam immediately texted Allison as soon as he woke up. That's a bit over-eager.

    2. Seizing Poetic License on Pet Names

    In the first text after the kiss night, it's a little strange to be dropping nicknames, even if it's something as general as "beautiful". It pushes things beyond casual way too fast.

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    3. Text Novels

    Sam's texts shattered character limits. Allison would routinely receive 3-5

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  • 5 Characteristics That Make A Strong Woman Sexy

    I used to joke that I wanted to date a weak woman - a woman who couldn't make her mind up and liked being told what to do. I'd always get my way, see my friends often, and have complete control the TV remote.

    In reality, weak women are not attractive. I guess I've been surrounded by strong women my whole life: my grandmother was a matriarch of the family with only a high school education. She was the ultimate "mother" figure--strongly opinionated, clever, funny, and tender.

    My mom attended University of Maryland Medical School with a pioneer class including very few women. My older sister won two national championships at University of Virginia in lacrosse, and my little sister was Vice President of her PR company before I got my first promotion.

    One night at a family dinner, my cousin quipped that my brother-in-law who had recently married in to our family, joined a "slightly matriarchal" family.

    It's true: in my family things seem to be run by the women. Just

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  • Are Commitment and Exclusivity the Same?

    The other day my sister and her husband (Jake) and I were discussing "exclusive" versus "committed."

    Of course, we guys had a different opinion than my sister.

    My little sister took the stance that exclusivity and commitment were the same. She theorized that once you've told someone you want to date them exclusively, you are committed to only them. You've made a commitment to be faithful, to put energy in only that relationship.

    Jake and I saw differences between committed and exclusive. We figured that exclusive simply meant that there was no hooking up with anyone else allowed: no making out, no dating.

    Our theory on commitment was that it evolves slowly, long after exclusivity.

    Essentially, commitment (in our guy opinion) is a juiced-up exclusive relationship. If I'm in an exclusive relationship, I can lie on the couch while she does stuff with her family. If I'm committed, I'm doing that stuff with her family. The example Jake and I used was:

    "If I'm

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  • How Do You Compare to Their Ex?

    Do most people want full transparency with their significant other regarding exes? Transparency is soothing, but it also sets a bar. But knowing too much about your partner's ex can create a range of things to think about that cause anxiety.

    Here are common things about significant other's exes that people compare themselves with:

    Luckily, ex-boyfriends don't get much picture space in a girl's apartment so I can't see how they all looked. What I don't want to hear is how "hot" he was. I automatically assume that I'm not as good looking as an ex anyway because of my extremely healthy and functional self-esteem (that was sarcasm in case you didn't know).

    Is he older and wiser than me? Could he take care of her better? Or was he a young, virile bull with the energy to start a revolution? Both of those personas dominate me.

    Sexual Prowess
    I would be devastated if there was written, undeniable proof that my girlfriend's ex was better in bed. And this

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  • What Really Happens at Bachelor Parties

    Three days before his wedding, Adam set foot in a strip club, the location of his bachelor party. All the 37-year-old expected to get was a few lap dances - but then his buddies upped the ante. "It became apparent that this strip club was a brothel," he says. "Men would vanish with women across the street to a hotel, and return later. My friends asked, 'How much?' then started goading me."

    At first, Adam hesitated: How could he cheat on his fiancée - especially in front of all these people, some her family members? Still, he reasoned, "This would be my last chance to touch another woman ever again. Being drunk and rising to their taunts, I picked a statuesque blonde with fake breasts and took a trip across the street." The sex, he says, was amazing - so much so that his fiancée didn't enter his mind until he was walking back to the club. At that point, he panicked, wondering how people would react. "If they had greeted me with averted eyes, I would have been really nervous," he

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  • Are Strip Clubs Really That Bad?

    The other day my buddy was telling me about his girlfriend's objections to him joining his friends for a bachelor party because the itinerary included a strip club.

    I understand her resistance to the idea.

    But, there is another side to the argument, courtesy of a girl I dated. She said she didn't mind if I went to strip clubs because it's an emotionless experience - it's purely physical.

    I thought this was an interesting point of view, and it made sense because women are in touch with the emotional side of attraction more than men are. When guys go to strip clubs to ogle "hot bodies," it's certainly annoying to their significant others.

    But it's a different story if a guy has an emotional connection with another woman. I recently spoke to a friend who had a huge fight with her boyfriend because he met an ex for lunch. My friend had nothing to worry about because he's a faithful guy, but she was definitely stressed and upset about the whole thing. If she had her way,

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  • Why Guys Love the "Thrill of the Chase"

    I thought I would outgrow enjoying the thrill of the chase, but I can't get over it. Most guys go out there with the goal of getting laid.

    Lately, all it takes for me to feel total accomplishment is having a girl call me "cute" or "funny." At that point, I can leave the bar, stop by the diner for late-night-eats, and lie down alone knowing that someone out there found me attractive.

    I'm sure a lot of you get frustrated that guys seem to lose their passion when they have finally started dating you. Here are some reasons guys love the thrill of the chase:


    At first glance, chasing does not seem like a lazy activity. But it is. When I'm chasing a girl there is no pressure to succeed. So, when a girl calls me "cute," I can assume my chase is over and I can call it quits. It's lazy to participate in chasing girls, but it's hard to be lazy when you actually date and get into a serious relationship.

    The Fantasy Ideal

    When I chase a girl, I do so without

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  • The Pros and Cons of Sowing Your Wild Oats

    A friend of mine recently ended a relationship and now claims he can't wait to "sow his wild oats." I'm wondering how that experience could be as rewarding as growing close to someone and falling in love.

    So, I weighed the pros and cons:


    It's Not That Easy To Do
    I strike out just as often when I'm just looking to hook up as I do when I'm looking for a girlfriend. It's depressing because I set goals (get laid by as many women as possible) and don't meet those goals. It's like trying to figure out nuclear fusion: It would be awesome if I could do it, but I'm not capable.

    You Might Miss a Better Opportunity
    If you're determined to sow your wild oats, you might just let that special person pass you by if they come along at the wrong time.

    It's Empty
    There are times when people want fun, void of emotion. But isn't an emotional connection more fulfilling? After you sow enough wild oats, you might reflect back and find that your experiences haven't

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  • Men's Biggest Dating Regrets

    I went through a phase where I regretted just about every move I made in dating, from cold hitting on a girl, to sex, to committing (in fact, I still regret half the moves I make). Is Truth in Breakups Overrated?

    One Night Stands
    It seems like such a good idea at the time, but in the aftermath you're mostly thinking: "I shouldn't have done that" most of the time.

    Sex To Early
    Even when you're dating someone, if you have sex too soon (especially as a woman) you have to go through that period when you're not sure if he'll stick around because he was only after sex.

    Taking Back The Ex
    A friend of mine at work has taken her ex back five times. We all gave her a hard time when she announced she took him back again. I guess she copes with regret well. In some cases, we do feel bad when we take back the ex just once and they turn around and do the same mean thing to us again.

    The One That Got Away
    Perhaps someone likes you at one point. You take it for

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