Blog Posts by SelfishRomance.com

  • How to Have the Relationship of Your Own Dreams . . . and Not Others’ Dreams for You!

    Beth lay in the chaise lounge on her veranda hoping for a moment to herself. That thought alone caused the tears to stream down her face, again. Three years married and what had happened, she thought. She let her mind drift back to her dreams of being married to Carl: having their own home, decorating it the way they had enthusiastically discussed, camping and kayaking together on weekends, taking a couple's cooking course, sleeping late on Saturdays, and lazily making love on their private veranda . . ..

    The phone rang. Beth wiped the tears from her eyes, took a deep sigh and reached for the phone. It was her mother, whose voice she had come to hate. "Beth dear, when you go to the market today, would you pick up my laundry? What time will Carl be here to mow the lawn? We've invited Aunt Carrie and her kids to your cookout tomorrow night so please pick up more steaks at the market. Oh, guess what I got you dear! You're going to love it. A new antique clock for your bedroom. It

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  • Surprise Honey: I Want a Divorce! Four Treasure Tips to Divorce- Proof Your Marriage

    There are surprises you can spring on your spouse, but "Honey I want a divorce" is not the kind of surprise anyone wants. Marie and Hunter had been married for 12 years. They had two boys, ages 7 and 10, who seemed relatively comfortable with their lives. They had good friends, and families who were close. Their marriage didn't seem too different from those of their friends. Marie tended to the children and had a part time job.

    Although they struggled financially at the outset, they were finally comfortable; Hunter's skills in computer science had paid off nicely. All seemed quiet when suddenly Marie dropped the bomb, she wanted a divorce. Hunter was dumbfounded. It seemed to come out of the blue. Hunter had never been abusive, nor had he had an affair. And he was not a substance abuser. Sure they had had arguments, but never screaming fights. Hunter asked Marie why, but she refused to talk about it. What's going on here?

    Of course, Marie might have secretly fallen in love

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  • Seven Secrets to Make True Romance Last

    The so-called experts say that romantic passion cannot last-that it's just based on hormones in the brain that deplete as the "honeymoon" period, the excitement of a new love, fades away.

    We disagree. The secret to lasting romantic passion lies in knowing what makes romance thrive. For many, romance is infatuation-it is falling head over heels for someone based, typically, on one or two desirable qualities such as looks and charm. Such attractions do not last because they are too shallow.

    True romance is based on loving the whole person, not just skin-deep but soul-deep. Its a feeling of deep connection based on the sense that you share fundamental values, fundamental views about yourselves and the world. For example: Is the world a place of adventure or a place that inspires fear? Does each of you want to grow in your knowledge and skills or just stay the same? Do you feel "in sync" emotionally? Here are seven secrets to making romance last a lifetime.

    1. You also need

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  • Why Do New Year’s Resolutions Typically Fail?

    Making New Year's resolutions is an old tradition. Next year we are going to stop smoking, lose weight, save money, exercise more, drink less and be nicer to our family members. Overwhelmingly such resolutions lead nowhere-until they are made again the next year with the same lack of results.

    What's missing? Consider Tom who was 75 pounds overweight when I met him. When I saw him again a year later, I was shocked. The 75 extra pounds were gone. "Tom," I said, "How did you do it?" He replied, "It was easy!" "Easy?" I gasped in disbelief. "Everyone knows losing weight is one of the hardest things you can do." Tom answered, "But you see, I really, really wanted to."

    What did Tom mean by this? He meant that had had total commitment. Goals, specifically difficult goals, do not affect action unless you are committed to them. But what does commitment involve?

    Here are the keys to success:

    · You need to consciously consider the goal to be personally important. You need to

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  • The Secret to Avoiding the “I-Dread-the-Holidays” Syndrome

    "I dread the holidays!" Maria was surprised to hear herself admit this openly as she sat in the lunchroom with her co-workers. Christmas music was playing softly throughout their office. "I have to send out holiday cards. The list has mushroomed with people I hardly know. That will take a chunk out of my life!

    What I hate most, Janine nodded, is that my husband and I sentence ourselves to six hours of being on pins-and-needles during the family holiday "celebration" with my alcoholic brother and my obnoxious sister-in-law. I just wait for the sparks to fly.

    I find holiday meals boring, Max added, and I have to decorate the whole damn house again. My mom expects us to entertain. She would be crushed if we didn't all put on a happy face. It's so phony.

    The worst part for me, Evan added, is that it is anything but romantic. My wife is consumed with pleasing everyone else and I'm left out in the cold. I don't even want to buy her a gift this year, but I'll have to.

    The

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  • The Secret About Selfishness Happy Couples Know

    "My partner means the world to me. I would do anything for him. I want nothing

    for myself. I want only please him."

    When you first fall in love, the whole world seems to fade into the background. Your lover is center stage. When you're apart, you intensely long for this person. You imagine being in one another's arms. You plan wonderful events to surprise or please your partner. You feel complete.


    Fast forward 5 years: "I wish he (or she) would give me a break!"

    Now married to this same person, you no longer feel complete, you feel depleted. Your days revolve around catering to your partner. You long for the few moments you can get away from the "ol' lady" or "ol' man," whether it be grabbing a drink with buddies, or getting a "breather" when your spouse visits relatives or has to travel for business. Why do most romantic relationships sour so fast? What mental policy is guaranteed to destroy any marital paradise? And what mental policy can rescue your romance?


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